Happy holidays: Every NHL team gets a gift

Yahoo! Sports

There’s no crying in baseball, but there are holidays in hockey. So in the spirit of the season, here’s what we’d give to each and every NHL team if we had the North Pole’s resources at our disposal:

Anaheim
Anaheim

Anaheim Ducks: A search party to find the first line that’s supposed to be the best in hockey.

Boston
Boston


Boston Bruins: Will Ferrell’s outfit in “Elf” for Zdeno Chara and a reindeer-powered sleigh for Tim “Santa” Thomas.

Buffalo
Buffalo

Buffalo Sabres: For owner Terry Pegula’s passion and the fans’ patience to be rewarded.

Calgary
Calgary

Calgary Flames: Three goals a game and a stress-free entry into the postseason.

Carolina
Carolina

Carolina Hurricanes: A strong gust of wind to push them back in the right direction.

Chicago
Chicago

Chicago Blackhawks: A storybook ending to the Ray Emery Reclamation Project.

Colorado
Colorado

Colorado Avalanche: A cryogenically frozen Ray Bourque to stabilize the young Avs’ defense. After he’s had some time to thaw out, of course.

Columbus
Columbus

Columbus Blue Jackets: A do-over.

Dallas
Dallas

Dallas Stars: Some time in the spotlight for breakout Star Jamie Benn. Or at least an appreciative nod.

Detroit
Detroit

Detroit Red Wings: As long as jolly ol’ Saint Nick is on the blue line, the Wings have everything they need.

Edmonton
Edmonton

Edmonton Oilers: Pablum, diapers and a wet nurse.

Florida
Florida

Florida Panthers: The Twelve Free Agents of Christmas.

Los Angeles
Los Angeles

Los Angeles Kings: A Festivus miracle for L.A.’s new king of Kings, coach Darryl Sutter.

Minnesota
Minnesota

Minnesota Wild: You have to think “The Land Of 10,000 Lakes” would put on a pretty good outdoor Winter Classic game.

Montreal
Montreal

Montreal Canadiens: A peace accord between French fans and English coaches.

Nashville
Nashville

Nashville Predators: Enough money to lock up Shea Weber and keep the core of the team intact.

New Jersey
New Jersey

New Jersey Devils: Deck the team in those Christmasy red and green uniforms from the ’80s.

New York Islanders
New York Islanders

New York Islanders: Hope and forgiveness.

New York Rangers
New York Rangers

New York Rangers: A Secret Santa gift exchange between angst-ridden coach John Tortorella and angst-causing winger Sean Avery.

Ottawa
Ottawa

Ottawa Senators: A box of “I told you so” cards to send out to all the so-called experts who wrote off the Sens this season. (Start with: Yahoo! Sports NHL, Toronto, Ont., M5J 1A7.)

Philadelphia
Philadelphia

Philadelphia Flyers: Chris Pronger replacement surgery and the whereabouts of $60-million goalie Ilya Bryzgalov.

Phoenix
Phoenix

Phoenix Coyotes: A safe journey to Kansas or Quebec or wherever it is that they end up next season.

Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh Penguins: A bubble-wrapped Sidney Crosby bobblehead.

St. Louis
St. Louis

St. Louis Blues: Yes, Missouri, there is a Stanley Cup contender.

San Jose
San Jose

San Jose Sharks: For their heart to grow two sizes too big.

Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay

Tampa Bay Lightning: The 41-year-old version of Dwayne Roloson, not the 42-year-old version.

Toronto
Toronto

Toronto Maple Leafs: A playoff berth. Or the simultaneous comebacks of Wendel Clark, Mats Sundin and Doug Gilmour. Whichever comes first.

Vancouver
Vancouver

Vancouver Canucks: One. More. Win.

Washington
Washington

Washington Capitals: Like the U.S. Army, they simply want to be all they can be.

Winnipeg
Winnipeg

Winnipeg Jets: You can skip Winnipeg, Santa. Christmas came in May when it was announced the NHL was returning.

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