Write a column late at night and what do you get? Two hours of sleep and one Late Night Television rip-off, courtesy of David Letterman.
Here are the "Top 10 Ways You Know Your 1-3 Fantasy Football Team in the Yahoo! Friends and Family League is in Serious Trouble."
10) You call Brandon Funston's home phone and then cell phone on a Thursday afternoon from your other job, looking to acquire Sammy Morris in a trade.
9) David Carr is your starting quarterback, and you're OK with it.
8) Your top four draft selections scored 10 combined points in Week 4, and only one of those players was on a bye.
7) You're still starting Cedric Benson.
6) A Cleveland Browns quarterback has scored more than twice as many fantasy points as the quarterback you drafted in the fourth round.
5) On more than one occasion, you have checked to see if Mike Vrabel has any sort of offensive eligibility in your league.
4) Your only real hope for a turnaround is your No. 2 waiver priority.
3) You're so desperate for help at running back, you start to wonder how knee rehab has been going for Domanick Williams.
2) Your kicker is your team's third-highest scorer.
1) You are actually considering adding Michael Robinson to your team from free agency, because if Trent Dilfer were to go down in Week 5, there's a chance he might fill-in as the team's emergency quarterback. And if Robinson were to somehow do well behind center and keep the job, you would have yourself a top quarterback with running back eligibility.
Bud Selig Bowl IV
Every week, the Friends and Family League schedule features one interdivision game, which pits a Yahoo! expert from Division A against a non-Yahoo! expert from Division B. This weekly contest is named in honor of the Milwaukee-based car salesman-turned-commissioner who brought interleague play to Major League Baseball.
Somebody page Freddie Mercury, because another one has just bitten the dust. (Sorry, but I'm playing Brad Evans this week, so to mark the occasion, I had to make a bad Rock-n-Roll pun somewhere.)
The Yahoo! Family has defeated the Friends again for the fourth straight time. Using a 16-point Monday Night Football effort from T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Evans overcame a late seven-point deficit to defeat RotoWire.com's Jeff Erickson, 69-60.
Bud Selig Bowl Season Counter: Family 4, Friends 0
Here are some of the most notable roster moves that the experts made in the Friends and Family League following the Week 4 slate of games. I examine why each move was made and whether or not you should consider making the same roster additions in your league.
The Move: RotoWire.com's Chris Liss added Justin Fargas and dropped Matt Leinart
The Logic: In relief of Lamont Jordan (back), Fargas ran for a career-high 179 yards last week against the Miami Dolphins. As a Los Angeles resident, Liss wanted Fargas but apparently didn't want to seem like a USC homer, so he dropped one Trojan and added another.
Read and React: Who would have thought that through four weeks of the regular season, Fargas would be named FedEx Ground Player of the Week more times than LaDainian Tomlinson, Steven Jackson and Larry Johnson combined? Well, if a postal company is taking notice of Fargas, then you should, too. Behind Jordan and ahead of Dominic Rhodes, Fargas is the second-most valuable fantasy running back for a Raiders offense that leads the league with 194.3 rushing yards per game this season and has run the ball an average of 41.7 times over its last three games. He should be owned in most leagues, especially by Jordan owners looking for a much-needed handcuff.
The Move: KFFL.com's Nicholas Linnox added Michael Jenkins and dropped Arnaz Battle
The Logic: Jenkins capitalized on six Joey Harrington looks for six receptions, 64 yards and two touchdowns in Week 4. Battle, meanwhile, hasn't done much of anything since Week 1.
Read and React: Atlanta used to serve as a black hole for fantasy wide receivers. Entering 2007, the franchise hadn't had a 1,000-yard receiver since Terance Mathis compiled 1,016 yards in 1999. But thanks to the post-Michael Vick era that has brought a pocket passer back behind center, Falcons wide receivers are fantasy relevant for the first time in years. Roddy White was the first to emerge in Atlanta this season, and Jenkins appears to be the second. At 6-foot-4 and 214 pounds, Jenkins will continue to see plenty of looks in the red zone, making him a worthwhile add in most 12-team leagues.
The Move: FantasyGuru.com's John Hansen added Ike Hilliard and dropped J.T. O'Sullivan
The Logic: Hilliard caught seven passes for 114 yards last week for his first 100-yard game since Oct. 26, 2003. On the year, Hilliard is shattering his career averages in yards per reception and yards after catch. You'd almost think it was 1996 again and Danny Wuerffel was out there throwing to him. Jon Kitna, meanwhile, is healthy as can be right now, so O'Sullivan has no immediate value.
Read and React: If track record means anything to you, then don't waste your time on Hilliard, the 11-year veteran who has scored just three times in his last 57 games played. Even in a 16-team league, you can do better.