It’s been over 10 years since the Edmonton Oilers made the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
Apparently that means a lot of pent-up creative energy around the city, which has spilled out onto an unsuspecting public like a tidal wave of enthusiastic goo in the form of musical playoff anthems, ranging from terrible to “please find me something long, sharp and ear-sized so I may stabbeth thy brain and this.”
Here’s a short playlist of Edmonton Oilers 2017 playoff songs. If there’s any we missed, or if you’d like to spotlight one from your own favorite playoff team, hit us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
And here … we … go.
Edmonton Oilers: “How Far They’ll Go”
If you ever wondered what it would sound like if Marcus Mumford sang the third-best song from “Moana,” but about the Oilers …
“See the line that he drives to the net and it goes in” isn’t exactly a Lin-Manuel Miranda turn of phrase. Or, like, good.
But we do appreciate the evocation of Connor McDavid and “glory,” in a Hockey Jesus/Christian Rock kind of way.
Edmonton Oilers: “Fresh Radio’s Oilers Playoff Song”
This is the most painfully white thing we’ve witnessed since that time we saw Jennifer Garner reading an L.L. Bean catalogue.
It’s almost avant-garde in its awfulness. Like, there’s literally no attempt to match the lyrics of “Uptown Funk.” Or the rhythm. It’s like William Shatner doing Bruno Mars karaoke.
“Oilers’ run/gonna give it to you” frankly sounds like a threat.
Also, a woman opens an umbrella indoors, which is the sole reason they lost Game 4 7-0 to the Sharks.
Edmonton Oilers: “Let’s Go Oilers, Let’s Go!”
This anthem from DJ Professor 13 is great because it’s (a) short and (b) sounds like a song by fun. The band, not the concept of amusement.
You could easily see this song playing over the end credits after their inevitable elimination this season.
Edmonton Oilers: “Oilers Playoff Song”
In full disclosure, I’m a weekly guest on Nielson and Fraser, so I appreciate that they’ve pushed their odd Nickelback obsession by building an Oilers’ anthem around “Rockstar.”
Demerits for the Taylor Hall grave dancing. But huge props for openly discussing the price of playoff tickets and their impact on purchasing expensive drugs.
Edmonton Oilers: “The CISN Country & Brett Kissel Playoff Song”
First thing’s first: You can’t “add another ring to the dynasty.”
The dynasty ended in 1990. That’s like saying Carey Price is trying to add another banner to the 1979 Canadiens’ collection.
This is fine if you like ‘new’ country songs about knocking back beers on your pickup truck with your girl in cutoffs and whatever. You know, those songs.
Edmonton Oilers: “2017 Edmonton Oilers playoff song”
This is dramatic!
We were really digging this track when Troy Salai was calling Leon Draisaitl “Drizzy Dre” and Jordan “Eb-er-lay.” Too bad it eventually settled into the generic realm of a training montage from a direct-to-Netflix action movie.
But not every Oilers anthem has to be garbage:
Edmonton Oilers: “Logan Alexis Singers Connor McDavid Song”
From the YouTube description:
Logan Alexis Singers and friends paying tribute to the Edmonton Oilers through song: to honor the Teams inspiration throughout the hockey years since the Gretzky days and also acknowledge the influence the team have on young aboriginal youth in our communities. “Go Oilers Go, you got Connor McDavid” Round Dance Song written by Eugene and Produced by Robin Alexis and Sgwe Productions Ltd.
Sample prose: “GO OILERS GO! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU GOT CONNOR MCDAVID!”
Truer words were never chanted over a thumping native Canadian drum beat.
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