September 30, 2009
Mid-Week Madness begins tonight, with the mighty Hawaii Warriors bringing their high-flying haka game to the lair of the Louisiana Tech Bulldogs. Will it be a clash for the ages? Almost assuredly not. Will we be tuning in? Of course, because we're addicts.
Because we could all use a brush-up on fundamentals.
When the nation's 103rd-ranked rushing attack (Louisiana Tech) meets the nation's 109th-ranked rushing attack (Hawaii), there's ample opportunity to ... uh ... illustrate the value of line play? Because the players are already moving in slow motion! (Forgive us. We're a little gobsmacked to learn Hawaii's played three games this season and has yet to crack 100 cumulative yards on the ground, and something tells us that doesn't have much to do with the world-killer defenses of Central Arkansas and Washington State.) UH quarterback Greg Alexander has been operating in Colt Brennan territory, currently leading the nation in passing yards per game, yards per attempt and, completing the rare trifecta, pass efficiency.
Because Greg McMackin might say something horrible on camera.
If Hawaii's head coach sounds familiar to you, and you are not of the WAC persuasion, this homophobic/anti-Notre Dame slip is probably the reason. Any outlander setting foot in Ruston, Louisiana is just asking for a culture clash (save yourselves the indignation, cajuns; we love the whole Pelican State with all our heart and mean this in the most affectionate way), but this is a visitor with a big, angry mouth who'll have television cameras pointed at him. All the difference in the world. (And hey, if the impact of the Warriors' Mackin-ordered Haka chant in response to ND's reprise of "Showboat" before the Hawaii Bowl is any indication, any motivational fodder he gives Louisiana Tech could spell a Bulldog blowout.)
Because this game exists solely for the sickos.
Watching a Wednesday night college football game is the sporting equivalent of a heretofore functional alcoholic drinking vanilla extract, but admit it: After a month of games, all you want is more, all the time, and snoozer or no, this'll be enough to get you through to Colorado and West Virginia tomorrow night. Failing that, by the time the announcers get through introducing the players and past a 20-minute geographic fixation entitled "Louisiana Tech is in the WAC and that is WACKY!", it'll be almost time to change the channel to Glee at 9. Priorities, people.
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Hawaii and Louisiana Tech kick off at 8 p.m. Eastern on ESPN2.
Holly welcomes your adulation and veiled threats at nastinchka-at-yahoo, etc.