Dr. Saturday - NCAAF

I hurt because I love. Though I have some vague idea of the existence of a quasi-famous person named Lauren Conrad, I have no tools for distinguishing her from any of the other bronzed, airbrushed checkout counter candy. Hulking USC safety Taylor Mays, on the other hand, can pick Lauren out of a crowd of feather-haired chanteuses angling for a Maxim shoot, and when not knocking people unconscious or advancing the human gene pool towards its next step in the evolutionary process, he'd like to show The Hills "star" a good time:

USC safety Taylor Mays had two impressive hits on Arizona tailback Keola Antolin and knocked Antolin out of the game in the second quarter, probably one of the biggest moments in the contest.

But there appeared to be a source for his motivation.

"I like to hit guys hard so if Lauren Conrad and I ever go on a date, she will feel protected,'' Mays said.

I dunno, Taylor, only if she's impressed by fairly ordinary shoulder tackles after the runner's already gained a first down:

Wrap up, young man! Ha ha. Seriously, good luck with Lauren and don't hurt me.

Remember when we thought South Florida was good? If you want to really throw the USF campus into a panic, says the Tampa Tribune, dress up as the Big East standings after the Bulls' loss at Cincinnati Thursday:

With No. 24 USF's 24-10 loss at Cincinnati on Thursday, the most-anticipated season in school history has officially turned into a nightmare.

Since climbing to No. 10 last month, the Bulls (6-3, 1-3) have lost three of their last four.

Since last year's 6-0 start, the Bulls are 8-7 against Division I-A opponents.

USF sits alone in seventh place in the Big East ahead of only woeful Syracuse (1-6, 0-3).

You might say equally good things about Cincinnati, where Brian Kelly just keeps on rolling: the Bearcats made their first ever appearance in the final top-25 last year, his first, and have emerged from the Bermuda Triangle of mediocre quarterbacks with a kicking shot at winning the Big East. But the highlight of the Bearcats' win? The decision to play a particularly bass-y version of the Exorcist theme before USF third down plays. This doesn't need to catch on, but for Hallow's Eve, an appropriately creepy touch.

A hyperextended knee is serious, for a mortal. Intrepid reporter Gary Danielson breaks the "Thursday Surprise" in the Florida-Georgia tilt: The Tebow Child played the last two games on a hyperextended knee suffered against Arkansas, but is feeling 100 percent going into the Cocktail Party:

“Tim Tebow was a little bit nicked early on and no one talked about it,’’ Danielson said in his weekly press release for CBS. "Urban Meyer didn’t even tell us (for previous CBS broadcasts). They kept it well-hidden that he had a little bit of a hyper-extended knee that he hurt early in the season. I wondered why he wasn’t running like last year. He didn’t seem the same. He was more of a finesse runner than a power runner. Urban Meyer had told us that he is finally 100 percent. We will see the real Tebow (Saturday)."

The Fake Tebow merely led 50-plus-point blowouts against then-undefeated LSU and 5-2 Kentucky, which is a frightening thought until you consider the junior slinger's adamantium skeleton and accelerated healing time. A hyperextended knee is like a mosquito bite on a normal quarterback.

Quickly ... Joe Paterno was vague about his knee/hip injury on his Thursday radio show, but expects it will need surgery. . . . USC's Joe McKnight and safety Kevin Ellison both left practice by aggrevating old injuries Thursday. . . . Pitt's shocking loss to Rutgers? Just an anomaly. Nothing to, uh, to worry about. . . . Florida State has suspended receiver Corey Surrency for Saturday's game with Georgia Tech. . . . Clemson's looking to curb the premature celebrations after blown fourth quarter leads in three straight games. . . . And even Longhorn reporters kind of like Mike Leach.

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