Ugly players in the NBA is a tired, tired subject. A simple search turns up thousands upon thousands of results for the 10 ugliest players ever, the all-ugly team and the Popeye Jones All-Stars. It's been done to death, just like it's step-cousin "NBA Players Who Look Like Characters from 'The Wire'." But if it gets flipped, even just a little bit, it can be pretty fun.
Say, for instance, NBA players talking about how ugly other players are, which is what some Boston Celtics did with regards to Kendrick Perkins(notes). John Powers of the Boston Globe got the in-depth scoop from pretty boy Ray Allen(notes).
"People always ask me why he's so mad. Is he that mean? He always has a scowl on his face. I say, no. Perkins, he's a teddy bear. He's just out there intimidating, blocking shots, that's all."
He's just misunderstood, you see. Yeah, he might always be mad and giving dirty looks and wearing one of the most unusual goatees since former Toronto Blue Jays closer Billy Koch, but inside he's a total nice guy that wants to give you a hug with his enormous arms.
But is that really true, Doc Rivers? Is Kendrick Perkins really just acting? Apparently, yes.
"Perk is a great guy,'' Celtics coach Doc Rivers says of his center with the big shoulders and the bigger frown. "I think everybody sees his body language and his scowl and they think differently of him. To those who know him, he's absolutely a terrific guy, funny. But he's not trying to have fun when the game starts.''
Wait. So what you guys are saying is Kendrick Perkins makes himself look uglier than he really is by scowling all over the place? Interesting strategy. Better go to the source to clarify things.
"I'm already ugly,'' Perkins shrugged. "I can't add no more to it.''
Oh. Right. It's not a put-on. Kendrick Perkins really just looks like that. Fair enough. Seems to be working out OK for him, considering he's ugly-ed his way to another NBA Finals and a reputation as one of the league's premier one-on-one post defenders.
But remember that one time he smiled? Yeah, that was awesome. And so handsome!