I mean, I know. It's totally ridiculous. It's Game 1 of the NBA Finals, and he's being SO selfish. But Chris Bosh(notes) brought the ball, guys. If he goes home, we can't play; if we don't let him have first pick and decide the rules, he's just going to lay on the ball, put it in an MMA-style armlock and start playing Fishmouth. And it's not even like we can play Fishmouth. It's a one-player game, like "Space Invaders." He can do that all night.
What do you want me to do, get into a fight with him? I've known him since preschool. We used to play freeze tag, like, every night during summers. Our parents go golfing, like, all the time. Just let him have his stupid ball, OK?
OK, fine, Chris. We fouled you. Take it out up top. ... Yeah, sure, that was one was practice. Do-overs are totally a part of the NBA Finals. ... Yep, definitely. Re-check. Here you go.
Best caption wins some basic tactics for teaching the art of sharing, which some people clearly never learned. Good luck.
Runner-up, Ian Hamilton: "Yao's retirement gift, Yao's retirement gift ... wait, here's something."
Second runner-up, Dan: "So, 15 percent off $135, then 10 percent off that ... is there an easier way to figure this out?"