As secrets go, it's not as good as the secret of life that Curly taught Billy Crystal, or even as good as the Secret of the Ooze. I guess you could call it kind of a letdown, then, but really, those are two pretty good secrets. I don't know for sure what it is, but I'm guessing it has something to do with bright yellow being a tough look to pull off.
Also, between posing with yellow shoes with his face on them, receiving bar-mitzvah-caliber caricatures of him giving what appears to be the People's Eyebrow and having learning that his name loosely translates into "Sea Lord" in Chinese, it is no secret that Chuck Hayes'(notes) trip to Xiamen, China, to celebrate his new role as the brand ambassador for Chinese sportswear company Qiaodan Sports was pretty cray-cray.
Best caption wins shocking secrets shared by the late, great John Ritter. Good luck.
Winner, Vaffanculo: "Yes, it lasted longer than four hours and no, I didn't need to call a doctor."
Runner-up, ElConquistador: "Yessir, Mr. Simon! An-y-thing you say, Mr. Simon. Thank you for the job, sir! Refill your water glass?"
Second runner-up, Mark M.: "Me? No. Come on. Don't be crazy. I know the wrestlers get all the fancy ladies, and the clothes, and the fancy creams and lotions. But my life is good! Really good! I get to wake up every morning, at 5AM, and make some soup! It's the best. I love it. I get to lay in a bed, all by myself, all of my life! That's fantastic! Go. Go away! Read some books!"