Ball Don't Lie - NBA

I don't know how I missed this the first time around — I must have been busy live blogging someone live blogging a live blog about live blogs — but apparently, former Knicks bad ass Charles Oakley is trying to break into the food television industry. Yep. Nigella Lawson, Rachel Ray, Giada De Laurentiis and ... Charles Oakley. BAM!

Oakley is executive producing and starring as the cook on a TV show he's trying to pitch called "Café Oakley," and last night's screening featured three episodes (one of which guest starred John Starks).

Oakley cooked Oak's Fried Chicken and Macaroni Salad in the first episode, followed by Oak's Pasta, Sauce and Sausages in the second, and Oak's Smothered Steak and Rice in the third. "Hopefully we'll get some calls about it," Oakley said. "I'd give it an 8.5 out of 10."

Um, no, try 85 out 10, Oak. I've tried the food! Yes, after the jump, Oak's Beef Short Ribs in Cinnamon Red Wine Sauce recipe, which I whipped together in the BDL test kitchen late last night. The directions were a breeze. Enjoy!

Charles Oakley's Beef Short Ribs in Cinnamon Red Wine Sauce

* 6 large beef short ribs, bone in
* 1/4 cup canola oil
* 18 beers
* 1 large onion, finely chopped, no tears
* 1 tbsp. chopped garlic
* 1 cup ground fresh tomatoes
* 1/2 cup red wine
* 2 or 3 Cuban cigars
* 4 cups chicken stock
* 1 tbsp. cumin seeds
* 1 x whole piece cinnamon bark (approximately 3-inches long)
* 1 tbsp. cumin
* 1/2 tsp. turmeric
* 1/2 tsp. red cayenne pepper
* 1 heaping tbsp. Mexican chilli powder


1. Drink 10 beers.
2. In a large, heavy saucepan, add the cooking oil and the cumin to high heat. Let the seeds sizzle, then add the cinnamon and onions. Sauté until the onions are intimidating.
3. Add the garlic and continue to sauté until your done smoking a nice fat stogie.
4. Lower the heat and add the tomatoes and all of the remaining spices. Just chuck it all in there. Bang the cupboards.
5. Once you stir the powdered spices in the tomatoes, increase the heat back to medium. Stir regularly — with your bare hand, very important! — and continue cooking the spices until the oil separates from the tomatoes. This will take about 10 to 15 minutes. 7 minutes if you yell and belittle the oil.
6. Slam 3 beers.
7. Stir in the stock and red wine and bring to a boil. Probably a god time for another smoke. Maybe a game of poker, too.
8. Reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes and/or until you hear Tyrone Hill screaming from the basement.
9. Add the short ribs and stir well. (Note: If you're short on time, skip steps  1-thru-8 and just eat the ribs raw.)
10. Bring back to a boil.
11. Chug 5 beers, work up an appetite.
12. Reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer the short ribs until the meat completely separates from the bone. This will take approximately 4 hours, so order some pizza and hookers with Jordan's credit card.
13. Serve, charge dinner guests for your troubles.

[High fives and beef ribs to The Hype Guy for the photoshop]

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