Ball Don't Lie - NBA

The BDL NBA Power Rankings combine two parts Flaming Moe with one part flippant observation to create the most unbalanced ranking possible, and to offer the least accurate look at the state of the NBA on a weekly basis. If you disagree with your team's spot, go crazy in the comments or spit venom via email.

1. Cleveland Cavaliers — They've only seemed to dominate the season with the game's best player, winning games by more points than everyone else. I'm not sure if you know your NBA history, but that tends to hold up. [Kelly Dwyer]

2. Los Angeles Lakers — Has the race for home-court advantage throughout the playoffs ever been more important? [J.E.]

3. Boston CelticsKevin Garnett, a defensive-minded power forward, is healthy and he will join this team’s rotation (possibly its starting lineup) for the rest of the year. Also, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [KD]

4. Orlando Magic — Welcome back, Adonal. [J.E.]

5. Houston Rockets — They defend, they rebound, they pass the ball, they force turnovers, and they win. I've just yet to meet anyone that has actually seen the Rockets score a basket. [KD]

6. San Antonio Spurs — Heading into Tuesday's game against the Warriors, the Spurs have dropped three of their past four by a combined total of eight points. Wild thought: do that again and you're suddenly looking up at six or seven teams in the West standings. [J.E.]

7. New Orleans Hornets — A $67 million payroll where 67 percent of every dollar should go to one person. Sit down, Sean Marks. [KD]

8. Portland Trail Blazers — "I don't remember, really, what I was writing about last March ... but it wasn't this." I love that Blazer's Edge quote and I'm excited to see this young squad's first meaningful dance. I'm telling you, that nothing-to-lose mentality can be dangerous. [J.E.]

9. Atlanta Hawks — Wins and wins and better defense and wins and jumping in the power rankings and wins and wins and Joe Johnson's back and wins and wins and everyone wants you to lose by 40 to Dwyane Wade in the playoffs. [KD]

10. Utah Jazz — Quote of the Week, courtesy of Carlos Boozer: "I said, 'Reggie [Love, former Duke teammate], what's up with President Barack picking the Tar Heels to win the whole thing?' He said, 'I know. He stabbed us both in the back on national TV.'" Oh, the irony! [J.E.]

11. Denver Nuggets — OK, I've narrowed it down to one team you can beat in the playoffs. That doesn’t mean you let Renaldo Balkman run the point in the second quarter, George. [KD]

12. Dallas Mavericks — 1,000 words ... [J.E.]

13. Phoenix Suns — If you wouldn't mind just joining the NCAA bracket during the Sweet 16, just to make all of us happier? I mean all of us. [KD]

14. Miami Heat — "If I can't practice, I can't practice. It is as simple as that. It ain't about that at all. It's easy to sum it up if you're just talking about practice. We're sitting here, and I'm supposed to be the franchise player, and we're talking about practice. I mean listen, we're sitting here talking about practice, not a game, not a game, not a game, but we're talking about practice. Not the game that I go out there and die for and play every game last it's my last but we're talking about practice man. How silly is that?" — D-Wade, hopefully tomorrow. [J.E.]

15. Philadelphia 76ers — "Not too much, guys. If we win, like, every game, this Tony dude has to stick around next year. We should drop one to the Warriors, just to keep him all interim-y." Actual quote. You name the player. [KD]

16. Detroit Pistons Allen Iverson is going to have to pay a man $260,000 for injuries he suffered that were the result of a bar fight in ... wait for it ... 2005. Good. Glad we got that cleared up. [J.E.]

17. Chicago Bulls — I get the Bulls this week. My hometown team. The outfit that inspired me to do what I do for a living. The black and the red. My pride and joy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [KD]

18. Charlotte Bobcats — Everything would have worked for the 'Cats on Saturday had they just won. The Bulls lost to the Lakers, and the Bucks lost to the Blazers. Instead, Charlotte now has to steal some games — in Philadelphia, at home against the Lakers — to have any chance at a swift postseason loss. [J.E.]

19. New Jersey Nets — The Brook Lopez for ROY train is gaining momentum, and that's good, because he deserves the award at this point. The trick now is to see if we could just get the Nets to force Lopez into leaving long and detailed pleas on Brook's behalf, narrated by Brook, on the voicemails of NBA scribes' cell phones. Even the ones without a vote. Just something to play on the speakerphone this summer when the games are over, TV shows are in rerun-mode, and Netflix is a little late in sending you the Mitch Hedberg DVD you ordered. [KD]

20. Indiana PacersT.J. Ford is dealing with his recent point guard demotion like a pro, applying the lessons he learned from a similar situation in Toronto with Calderon. Good on him. [J.E.]

21. Milwaukee BucksLoneliness is a crowded room, CV31. That's why you need to start over, and make the internet more simple. More, 1998-friendly. Bring in something Scott Skiles can understand. That's right ... download ICQ. [KD]

22. New York Knicks — Mike D'Antoni and has a few choice words for David Friedman. [J.E.]

23. Oklahoma City Thunder — 17-21, over the last three months. Unremarkable? They were 3-29 over the first two months of the season. Scott, motherflippin', Brooks. [KD]

24. Golden State Warriors — "Don Nelson has recently begun sitting healthy star players and went as far as to advise one of his top scorers, Jamal Crawford, to opt out of his Warriors contract next season to become a free agent." No, no, Donnie's fine. Why do you ask? [J.E.]

25. Toronto Raptors — How do you have Pops Mensah-Bonsu playing like that in practice all season, without putting him into a game until mid-March? 'ere, let me get that for you, Skeets ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [KD]

26. Memphis Grizzlies — Matt Moore's Semi-Grizz-Chub: "My past is my wisdom to use today ... my future is my wisdom yet to experience. Be in the present because that is where life resides." The man that said that never had to deal with Rudy Gay going 2-9 in his team's 53rd loss. Again. The present may be where life resides, but the future is where Grizzlies fans stare and say, "I want to go to there." [M.M.]

27. Minnesota Timberwolves — The Wolves have more or less given up on the season. It's like they'd lose a draft pick to the Clippers if they kept winning, or something. Weird. [KD]

28. Los Angeles Clippers — Reporter: "What do you think is happening to the team?" Player: "The ship be sinking." Reporter: "How far can it sink?" Richardson: "Sky's the limit." (God bless, Micheal Ray Richardson ... and Biggie.) [J.E.]

29. Washington WizardsEverybody beats the Wiz. Everybody. [KD]

30. Sacramento KingsThanks to Ghostface Ziller, I now know that Spencer Hawes registered nine assists against Philly on Sunday night, a career high. Guess how many other 20-year-old centers have ever dropped nine assists in one game? No idea? I'll give you a hint. It sort of rhymes with the Kings' chances of making the playoffs. [J.E.]

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