Ball Don't Lie - NBA

The BDL NBA Power Rankings combine two parts Red Bull with one part flippant observation to create the most unbalanced ranking possible, and to offer the least accurate look at the state of the NBA on a weekly basis. If you disagree with your team's spot, go crazy in the comments or spit venom via email.

1. Boston Celtics — The Celtics won their 15th straight game Monday — the fourth-longest streak in team history — yet they remain unimpressed by everything, even Bubble Girl. [J.E.]

2. Los Angeles Lakers —Only the Celtics and Cavaliers have defended better than the Lakers this season, but somehow, THIS IS NOT ENOUGH. Not sure what is with the Lakers, but this mirrors how NBA followers (and not just Laker fans or California residents) treat Kobe Bryant. It's not enough that he's brilliant and the game's hardest worker. It's that he has to be a step below someone like Michael Jordan, even though he's about seven steps behind him. Also, I lost my sense of humor at a local Radio Shack last Friday. If anyone’s seen it, let me know. Until then … gravitas. [Kelly Dwyer]

3. Cleveland Cavaliers — The 11-game win streak is over, Ilgauskas is out at least a week with a sprained left ankle, Big Ben is growing a 'fro on top of a 'fro and the Cavs are free fallin'. Keep your head up, Cleveland. [J.E.]

4. Orlando Magic — Has anyone noticed that Jameer Nelson is having a better per-minute, pace-adjusted year than Derrick Rose? Just me? I’m the only one that cries? Heartless, people. Heartless. [KD]

5. Denver Nuggets Chauncey Billups is change George Karl believes in: "I don't know Obama well, but I think (Billups) does (have similar qualities to the president elect) ... When you make change, it's substance. Obama had the substance to do this, to fulfill this. What I'm excited about is I know Chauncey has substance."

6. San Antonio Spurs — Just a Bruce Bowen-type away from being a 60-win team. [KD]

7. New Orleans HornetsChris Paul might tie Alvin Robertson's NBA-record steal streak tonight in Memphis, but CP3 will never, ever score the first points in Toronto Raptors' history. Point, Alvin. [J.E.]

8. Atlanta Hawks — 2008 Playoffs appearance + Overblown expectations for 2008-09 + Exceeding overblown expectations for 2009 – 2009 Coach of the Year award = Mike Woodson, Hawks coach for life! [KD]

9. Houston Rockets —Apparently, we're not supposed to pay attention to the Rockets until January. No problem there. [KD]

10. Portland Trail Blazers — Tuesday, Hedo banks home a deep game-winning three at the buzzer. Friday, Steve Blake — normally a 94 percent foul shooter — goes 1-for-5 at the line over the final 20 seconds to let the Clippers steal one in overtime. Sorry, Stein, those two "unlucky" losses keep PDX in our top ten. [J.E.] 

11. Utah Jazz Jocelyn is worried: "Please, Santa, bring the Jazz some good luck! We do not want anymore injuries! My last blog I talked a little about all the injuries, and then like the very next day the bear broke his foot and then Boozer got hurt! Enough is enough!" [J.E.]

12. Dallas Mavericks — The highest-paid "plucky" team I can remember. I can remember back to September of this year, and it's nice to see Jason Kidd plugging away without complaining about a contract, as the team responding to the often-dour Rick Carlisle. [KD]

13. Phoenix Suns — The D'Ant-Nash drama came and left with a Suns win, a thousand missed Knicks' three-pointers and Shaq hitting double digits in free throws. Of course it did. [J.E.]

14. Detroit PistonsAntonio McDyess, MVP. [KD]

15. New Jersey NetsCan't we all just get along? [Les Bian]

16. New York Knicks — How do you think J.J. Redick or Rodney Stuckey feel when they see Wilson Chandler putting up 18 shots a night? Do you think they could tell you who Wilson Chandler is? Do you think they feel, anymore? [KD]

17. Chicago Bulls —So, what happens when Larry Hughes (16.9 PER) starts playing like Larry Hughes (11.9 PER last year)? The bridge that lords over the Chicago River on about Lawrence and Sacramento, that’s what. [KD]

18. Miami Heat — The Heat are now 0-5 on the second night of back-to-back games and Michael Beasley thinks he got infected with the flu from his dogs. Also, Pookie needs to score 30 points a game always and forever. [J.E.]

19. Milwaukee Bucks — In Scott Skiles' first full year with a team, they usually tend to take off around the first of December. So, I guess that's not happening. [KD]

20. Indiana PacersMarquis Daniels has no need for a left hand. Steal fruit, lop it off. [J.E.]

21. Toronto Raptors — Introducing the next coach of your Toronto Raptors ... Leo Rautins! [J.E.]

22. Philadelphia 76ers — Introducing the next coach of your Phildelphia 76ers ... Leo Rautins! [KD]

23. Memphis GrizzliesLove this: "The Grizzlies have won four consecutive games and team chemistry finally seems right. So why in the world did the Grizzlies sign free agent forward Darius Miles on Saturday?" [J.E.]

24. Los Angeles Clippers — Sorry for continuing to refer to the stat, but Ricky Davis has a 1.0 PER. Do you know how hard that is? You get at least a 3.8 (Jason Collins-level) for just signing your name and bringing the right pencil. [KD]

25. Charlotte BobcatsThis 'Cats loom-woven triple layer jacquard throw blanket is perfect for game day, picnics, the bedroom, or the family room! Also can be used as a room accent or tissue. [J.E.]

26. Golden State Warriors — So, who took out Corey Maggette with a shiv to the hammy? Was it you, Belinelli?

27. Sacramento Kings — Favorite Hang Time episode: Michael runs against Mary Beth for student president in order to save Earl's 'Future Farmers' club. Meanwhile, Chris and Julie bet on which of the attractive female teachers Reggie Theus will ask out on a date. So racy! [J.E.]

28. Washington Wizards — Good thing they locked up Jamison. Who knows where they’d be without him? Negative wins, probably. [KD]

29. Minnesota Timberwolves — Apologies for the pop-culture reference, but this team is Amy Winehouse, shaking and struggling to find her keys in that purse. This team wants to know if you want to party with these guys they met in Tampa. This team tells you that it's "it's 5:30 somewhere" while it borrows the Tabasco you just put on your omelet for its Bloody Mary when it’s 8:47 a.m. and, most assuredly, not 5:30 somewhere. And this team's dealer and most enthusiastic enabler just turned in his pager for floor-level seats and a clipboard. [KD]

30. Oklahoma City Thunder — Fantasy fun: Kevin Durant has recovered from a slow start with his best basketball of the season. He's averaging 29.8 points in the last four games. [J.E.]

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