August 08, 2008
Ball Don't Lie — with help from The Blowtorch — continues to try and answer one of life's greatest questions: If the Beijing Olympics were just for NBA players, who would win gold? Our final set: other miscellaneous events.
Gold: Brad Miller — Brad Miller likes to shoot deer and drink beer. That's the just the way it is, bud. *spits tobacco* He's a good ol' country boy, you see. Always has been, always will be. And well, good ol' country boys like Brad like to shoot things. Guns, bow and arrows, cannons ... it don't matter. If that weapon can take down a wild boar from 60-feet, well then, Brad can handle it. (Now, if he can just figure out a way to pass that pesky drug test.)
Silver: Chris Kaman | Bronze: Dikembe Mutombo
Gold: Gold: Andrei Kirilenko — The Russian's aerodynamic haircuts, long, lean body, and bird-like tendencies prove that AK47 is a natural on the trampoline. Sure, Kirilenko will look like Kano tumbling through the air, arms and legs akimbo; however, if you're wondering why he hasn't taken his wife up on her "once-a-year" offer it's because he's been practicing his trampolining in backyards across the nation.
Silver: Dirk Nowitzki | Bronze: Joel Anthony
Gold: Shaquille O'Neal — The Big Jockey can do a lot more on a horse than just win races. Take, for example, his show jumping skills. He's incredible. Sometimes, when he senses his four-legged friend is getting a little winded, he'll jump off the saddle, chug a vitaminwater, and complete the rest of the course with the horse on his back.
Silver: Andrew Bogut | Bronze: Shane Battier
Beach Volleyball (teammates)
Gold: Chris Paul and Tyson Chandler — About the most similar thing in the world to an alley-oop is a set and spike. And if you followed the live-blogs, you know that CP3 and Tyson Chandler have perfected this attack. Tyson's defense is phenomenal, plus he won't have to do any of that pesky dribbling. Of course, Chris Paul is no slouch at ball-striking either.
Silver: Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire | Bronze: Jameer Nelson and Dwight Howard
Previous All-NBA Olympics:
Ballers who would medal in track and field, part I
Ballers who would medal in gymnastics
Ballers who would medal in combat events
Ballers who would medal in track and field, part II
Ballers who would medal in water events
Ballers who would medal in racquet events
... aaaaaaaand that's a wrap. Enjoy the Olympics, everyone.