Ball Don't Lie - NBA

Most celebrities wait until they're older to write their autobiographies. That makes sense, since they'd have more stories to tell the older they get. However, as we've seen with LeBron James' "Shooting Stars" and Chris Paul's "Long Shot," athletes are writing about themselves earlier and eariler these days. The latest to join that esteemed list of early authors is the New York Knicks' Danilo Gallinari(notes), whose "Da Zero a Otto" was recently released in Italy. And while you might think that a 22-year-old who has played just two NBA seasons wouldn't have a lot to say, you'd be wrong as evidenced by this translated "excerpt" we got our hands on.


Chapter 14


There are a lot of unusual things about America. The males do not have that many mustaches, the females do not all wear designer dresses at all times — things like that. But the weirdest thing so far is this sport called "football." No, fellow Italians, it is not like the football that we know about which actually uses feet to kick balls, but it does have that in it too. Allow me to explain, to the best of my ability:

In American football, there are two teams that are trying to run a lopsided brown ball in to a special area that is called the end zone. If they do that, it is worth six goals with an option to kick another goal through a large metal Y-shaped apparatus. (I assume this is where the name football comes from.)

While the team that is trying to make the ball go in to the end zone for the six goals is trying to do that, another team is trying to make them not do that by throwing them to the ground violently. It is not beautiful like the tailoring of Giorgio Armani. If they throw them to the ground three times in a row for less than about 10 meters at a time, the team that is trying for the six goals will kick the brown ball to the team that is doing the throwing on the ground. Unless they decide they want to try to kick the brown ball through the Y-shaped yellow thing, in which case they get three goals and then kick the brown ball to the throwdown team. It's really quite confusing and even though they do a lot of kicking of their brown ball, they do more with thier hands and that makes it very weird to be called football.

So that is American football, and that is basically what America is like. They take very simple things like games, and then they add confusing elements and violence to them which results in a new and usually very interesting product. Another example is movies, which often star a man by the name of Vin Diesel who mostly just scowls and blows things up (cars, airplanes, fellow humans, etc.) while loud rock music is played.  It is very much a lot of fun, but we'll get to that in Chapter 18 "Vin Diesel — America's Federico Fellini."

Related Articles

Ball Don't Lie

Add to My Yahoo RSS

Related Photo Gallery

Y! Sports Blog