From the Marbles - NASCAR

No sport offers up a more bewildering array of souvenir crap memorabilia than NASCAR, and They Make It digs deep into the corners of the Internet to bring all that strangeness to light. Today: a way to feel the racin' action.

The item: The Buttkicker silent subwoofer, $297.95 from Shakemycouch.com.

The deal: So you think NASCAR is boring, huh? You sit there and whine about Jimmie Johnson dominating and parade laps and the Car of Tomorrow and blah blah blah. Zip it, Chester, and pick yourself up one of these! The Buttkicker is a silent subwoofer that will make your couch shake, rattle and roll like you were running right in the middle of the field, without the threat of getting put into the wall. (Well, probably not. Sam Hornish Jr. could get really lose and end up in your living room.) All you need is the scent of burning rubber and campfire wood, and the occasional drunken fan stumbling into your view, and you'll have the total race experience right there in your living room!

While this seems like an astoundingly awesome idea, I can see a few possible drawbacks. For one, Digger's arrival next spring -- yes, he's coming back -- is going to seem like the Cloverfield monster arriving. For another, this gives us yet more reason not to go to NASCAR races. Perhaps if the Buttkicker actually kicked our butts to get us off the couch ... nah, this is America. That'll never happen.

The hat tip: Reader Brini. Got some strange NASCARiana of your own for us to check out? Send it to jay.busbee@yahoo.com. We'll make ya famous!

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