February 27, 2013
The following story is true, at least as far as the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel is concerned. Someone has stolen the costume for Guido, the Italian Sausage of the Milwaukee Brewers beloved Racing Sausages, and gone barhopping in Cedarburg, Wis. The theft took place during the town's Winter Festival at a nearby curling club. Yes, a curling club.
Barhopping, sausage, curling. It's Wisconsin, all right. All that's missing is a fish fry. The Journal-Sentinel has the specifics:
The 7-foot-long weenie was lying unused in a backroom at the Milwaukee Curling Club's new Cedarburg location during a fundraiser on Feb. 16 with beer-tasting and curling, and a witness saw the sausage walk out of the south door about 7:45 p.m., Cedarburg police Detective Jeff Vahsholtz said Wednesday. The Italian walked into TJ Ryan's in Cedarburg an hour later and also made an appearance around midnight at The Roadhouse Bar and Grill.
Guido was getting around! Do you think he used the sausage costume to, you know, find a nice pair of buns for a night?
The costume is valued at $3,000, and a reward of a year's supply of mustard has been offered to whomever returns the costume. Yes, there's a reward! And it's mustard! Nope, you can't make this up.
UPDATE: WTMJ radio in Milwaukee reports that Guido has been found!
There's a catch-22 here (or is it a catch-up-57?) of course.
You return the sausage and get the mustard. But you still need sausage for the mustard. Have they thought this out? On second thought, mustard is not a great condiment for Italian Sausage in the first place. If the Racing Hot Dog or Racing Polish Sausage had been stolen, of course. Red sauce and peppers go with the Italian, sure, but can we really call red sauce and peppers condiments? I draw the sophisticated condiment line at sauerkraut.
Anyway, the cops seem to appreciate the humorous side of this. But with the regular season at Miller Park approaching, they want Guido back now. Suspects are likely to include adventurous college students who might have been casing the curling joint lately. While detectives have been grinding away at their investigation, police have yet to link anyone to the sausage-napping. Puns intended. (No, demanded.)
The Racing Sausages are a staple at Miller Park, not only for cholesterol'd diets but also fans of the race, which also includes a Bratwurst and a Chorizo. As far as we know, those sausages are OK. In case you want to start your own investigation, all of the Racing Sausages bear a resemblance to the Easter Island monuments. Guido wears a white Italian chef's hat and apron, if that helps.
Big BLS H/N: Troy Renck
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