December 21, 2011
Richard Sandomir wrote in The New York Times on Tuesday that the New York Mets are offering several perks in order to entice bidders to buy a minority stake in the financially strapped ballclub. Special benefits apparently include being able to spend time with the team's most important member — its great mascot, Mr. Met:
[A]lthough the degree of access is not entirely spelled out. It definitely means you, as a part-owner, can schmooze with Mr. Met at Citi Field. It's less clear whether you could get him to come to your child's birthday party without a fee.
What can one "do" with Mr. Met? Well, such a list could be endless, but let's suggest 10 activities that some lucky millionaire (or billionaire) could win by making the right bid to the Wilpon Family:
10. Use Mr. Met's giant head in mean game of slow-pitch softball.
9. Re-enact infamous play in '86 World Series by getting Mookie Wilson to hit grounder through Bill Buckner's arthritic legs using Mr. Met's giant head.
8. Take rolling pin to giant head, do a "Flat Stanley" tour of all 30 major-league ballparks.
7. When planning Ohio leg of trip, switch Mr. Met into a Cincinnati Reds uniform and affix a handlebar mustache to look like Mr. Redlegs in order to steal a passionate kiss from Rosie Red (see above).
6. Stop by parking lot at Target store, have Mr. Met hide in plain sight among giant red Target ball barrier things and see if anyone can pick him out.
5. Have him deliver novelty oversized check to Bobby Bonilla, post video on YouTube. (Note: Check will look regular-sized next to Mr. Met's giant head.)
4. Persuade billionaire Brit adventurer Richard Branson to orbit private spaceship around Mr. Met's giant head to raise money to pay Jason Bay.
3. Send sinister message to overdrawn Wilpons, turn Mr. Met into knee-capping loan shark.
2. Put him on subway to Yankee Stadium, seat Mr. Met in usually empty premium seats behind home plate and have him wave to TV cameras while talking on cell phone.
1. Three words: White House bid.
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