Mind-blowingly, the Knicks are Michael Beasley's team now, and it's glorious

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Ben Rohrbach
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Knicks fans need not worry: Michael Beasley, aka SuperCoolBeas, is here to blow New York’s mind.
Knicks fans need not worry: Michael Beasley, aka SuperCoolBeas, is here to blow New York’s mind.

Who needs ‘Melo when you have SuperCoolBeas?

When Carmelo Anthony was traded to the Oklahoma City Thunder, the New York Knicks were supposed to belong to Kristaps Porzingis. A few days into training camp, though, we’ve come to find out they are undoubtedly Michael Beasley’s team. That might not be the best development for their success on the court this season, but the entertainment possibilities for the 2017-18 Knicks are now limitless.

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Speaking of “Limitless,” it is a 2011 movie in which Bradley Cooper’s character discovers a pill that allows him to use significantly more than the 10 percent of the brain that others are able to access. And wouldn’t you know it, Beasley, genius that he is, had some thoughts on the matter, and he shared them with SportsNet New York’s Taylor Rooks while wearing a sweatshirt that says “goat in new york.”

This is the question Beasley posed: “You can research the human brain and all that. It says that we are only capable of using 10 percent of our brain, right? You believe that? So, it’s the consensus scientifically. So, who was the guy that used 11 that made it OK to say that everybody’s just using 10?”

I don’t want to run the risk of Beasley’s wrath by saying “he’s smoking something,” as ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith did last week — after the former No. 2 pick said the Knicks featured “four guys that can score 25 points per game” and before he made the following claims: The Knicks could be a fifth or sixth seed, “I plan to play at least until I’m 43,” “I’m literally just Carmelo on the left side of the floor,” and, “I still think I have a chance to be one of the best in the NBA. I’m your favorite player’s favorite player.”

So, I will just say this: Beasley just presented the most brilliant riddle of our time, and I’m not sure how you do that without either taking mind-expanding drugs or naturally using more of your brain.

Listen, I could probably look up on Wikipedia if the whole “10 percent of the brain” thing is even true. I’ve always just kind of assumed that was a myth, but Beasley has clearly done way more brain research than I have, and it was way more fun to entertain his mind-blowing argument at face value.

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So, let’s just say humans actually do only use 10 percent of their brains. That would be an average, right? Like, there’s no way each individual uses the exact same amount of their brain. So, yeah, I’m with Beasley on this one: The guy who discovered we only use 10 percent of our brains was definitely on the higher end of that spectrum, because he must have studied a lot of brains to find that out.

Either that, or he looked into his own brain and found out he’s using 11 percent, and then was like, “Well, I’m definitely smarter than these people, so they must only using 10 percent or something.”

Oh, wait. Just looked it up, aaaannndddit’s a myth. Humans use a lot more of their brains. Well, some do, anyway. From the little I use, I know this: The 2017-18 New York Knicks are Michael Beasley’s team, and they’re brilliant. As for wins and losses, well, I’ll just put their playoff odds at 10 percent.

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Ben Rohrbach is a contributor for Ball Don’t Lie and Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at rohrbach_ben@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!

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