Mikhail Prokhorov rescinds 'title or marriage' promise to Nets fans

Ball Don't Lie
Mikhail Prokhorov, owner of the Brooklyn Nets, speaks to the media during a news conference before an NBA basketball game between the Nets and the Oklahoma City Thunder at the Barclays Center, Monday, Nov. 3, 2014, in New York. (AP Photo/John Minchillo)
Mikhail Prokhorov, owner of the Brooklyn Nets, speaks to the media during a news conference before an NBA basketball game between the Nets and the Oklahoma City Thunder at the Barclays Center, Monday, Nov. 3, 2014, in New York. (AP Photo/John Minchillo)

When Mikhail Prokhorov bought the then-New Jersey Nets in 2010, he announced his intentions with a flurry of bold statements and seemingly intentional provocations. One of the most notable involved his personal life — Prokhorov, a notorious bachelor, declared that he would marry if the Nets did not win an NBA championship within five years.

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Five years later, the Brooklyn Nets topped out at an underwhelming trip to the Eastern Conference Semifinals in 2014. So Prokhorov must be getting ready to tie the knot with his immortal beloved, right?

Not so much. The 50-year-old billionaire says that he will not tie the knot any time soon in a new video posted to Nets.com, although a friend has taken his place in the wager. Here's the transcript (via PBT):

You may remember my promise to get married if we didn’t win a championship within five years. Sadly to say, five years have passed, and today I am very happy to say that NBA commissioner Adam Silver has agreed to take the plunge in my place. Adam, you are much better man than me. Thank you very much, and I wish you and your new bride every happiness.

Silver married his new wife Maggie Grise in May, so apparently this deal is complete. Of course, Prokhorov said in 2013 that the whole marriage situation was a joke, which would seem to indicate that he would've picked any random groom to fill the space. You got lucky, TV's James Wolk!

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It's probably for the best that Prokhorov didn't go through with a marriage, because it's pretty clear that he wasn't excited about it and would've had to drag some poor woman along with him. Such scenarios only work out well in romantic comedies, one of which starred Chris O'Donnell and Renee Zelwegger. That sort of chemistry can't be planned!

Anyway, I suppose this is a roundabout way of saying that they should cast Mikhail Prokhorov in the Goldie Hawn role in a gritty reboot of "Overboard." Don't worry, Kurt Russell will be back.

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Eric Freeman is a writer for Ball Don't Lie on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at efreeman_ysports@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!

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