FORT WORTH, Texas — Bare with me but my 7-year-old has, like many her age, bypassed the traditional children’s TV programming I grew up with for a YouTube series called Unspeakable where the star simply plays the game Minecraft and narrates his exploits.
One of the star’s catchphrases is, “It’s all about the merch!” and this is a line my little one repeats on a daily basis, often increasing in volume with every chorus. It was all I could think of as I perused the Charles Schwab Challenge’s gift shop, which was pretty active through Friday’s rainstorms.
With a 5,000 square-foot superstore, patrons can find a multitude of ways to commemorate the 75th anniversary of this storied event, whether through a simple T-shirt or a place to conceal their booze.
Without further ado, here are some of the best items from the Charles Schwab Challenge merch tent:
Texas putter cover: $39
Let's start strong with this putter cover, one that has a flashy Colonial badge and a Fort Worth road sign. Not pictured, there's a "Don't Mess With Texas" sign on the back, but I'm stumped on this one — Route 60 goes through the Texas panhandle, but doesn't come within 100 miles of Fort Worth. Whatever. It's still memorable.
Greatest country in the world T-shirt: $39
Texans think they're the center of the solar system, so it makes perfect sense that a T-shirt proclaiming the state as "the greatest country in the world" would be prominently placed in the merch shop. A little pricey for a simple T-shirt, but it's certainly notable.
Colonial baby onesie: $39
No need to wait until your kiddos are in pre-school to have them proudly display their favorite country club. This comes in other colors, but green seemed appropriate.
Men's peach polo shirt: $79
Something about this color combo caught my eye, with the light blue flecks mixed in with peach.
Bubble tartan skirt: $139
Lanny Wadkins once sported tartan pants, so why not go with the same look? This skirt will have you fitting right in with the winner come Sunday evening.
Pineapple polo: $89
Nothing says Texas like pineapple, right? Of course, the maker of this shirt is Travis Mathew, and the company's line is that it's "inspired by the California coast." Still seems out of place in Cowtown USA.
Colonial flask: $39
Now this is Texas! Need a spot to stash your whiskey during the sweltering Texas afternoons? This 8-ounce holder seems the perfect, civilized place to conceal your booze.
Nike tech cap: $30
Simple enough, yet in a bold color. This Nike hat is eye-catching. And isn't everything "tech" these days?
Mini-golf towel: $4.62
Did you promise a relative or a friend you'd pick something up for them at the Schwab (but they're not worth much of an investment)? Here's your gift. Let your acquaintance know you've been there, yet you're not willing enough to fork over any serious bread for them.
Colonial circle T-shirt: $39
A classic, simple look with the trees in the middle adding a nice touch. Comfortable.
75th anniversary pullover: $125
Nothing fancy about this, yet the clean look and 75th-anniversary logo make it a keeper.
Tri-blend T-shirt: $29
One of the steals of the merch tent, this colorful tee is inexpensive yet a perfect gift if you've left your other half at home for four days.
Original Penguin polo: $89
Penguin by Munsingwear gear is never boring, and this shirt certainly doesn't disappoint on that front.
Leather cigar holder: $39
Let's finish things off with a stogie, shall we? A perfect spot to drop a handful of cigars and a case that doesn't take up too much space, allowing you to hold your flask and cigars at once. Priorities, people.