How likable is each Final Four team? Here's a definitive guide on who you should root for if your team isn't in it

Back by popular demand, or something like that, it’s the Final Four Likability Index — an unassailable scoring system designed to tell the basketball fan with no rooting interest who to back this weekend in San Antonio.

To the index we go:

1. If your team has a 98-year-old nun who serves as team chaplain and regularly emails the players encouragement and a scouting report, add 100 points for delightfulness.

Score: Loyola 100, Michigan 0, Villanova 0, Kansas 0.

2. If your school is an 11th-seeded Cinderella, add 20 points for being endearing.

Score: Loyola 120, Michigan 0, Villanova 0, Kansas 0.

3. If your team has no McDonald’s All Americans on the roster, add 10 points for overachieving.

Score: Loyola 130, Michigan 10, Villanova 0, Kansas 0.

4. If your school has just one McDonald’s All American on the roster, add five points for achieving.

Score: Loyola 130, Michigan 10, Villanova 5, Kansas 0.

5. If your team used to have three McDonald’s All Americans but now is down to two because one of them was driving a fishy car and never gained eligibility and left school to play in Europe, deduct 10 points for being part of the problem in college basketball.

Score: Loyola 130, Michigan 10, Villanova 5, Kansas minus-10.

6. If your team has a head coach making less than $500,000 a year, add 10 points for keeping it real in a sport rife with unreal salaries.

Score: Loyola 140, Michigan 10, Villanova 5, Kansas minus-10.

7. If your head coach went to the campus student center and handed out free hot dogs to students as an incentive to come to home games, add 10 points for grassroots activism.

Score: Loyola 150, Michigan 10, Villanova 5, Kansas minus-10.

8. If your team’s players personally put up flyers in dorms encouraging students to come to home games, add 10 points for a complete lack of entitlement.

Score: Loyola 160, Michigan 10, Villanova 5, Kansas minus-10.

9. If your Thursday Alamodome locker room visitors included Austin Hatch, a former player who was the survivor of two plane crashes, add 10 points for inspiration.

Score: Loyola 160, Michigan 20, Villanova 5, Kansas minus-10.

10. If your Thursday Alamodome locker room visitors included Father Rob Hagan, team chaplain, add 10 points for piety.

Score: Loyola 160, Michigan 20, Villanova 15, Kansas minus-10.

11. If your Thursday Alamodome locker room visitors included Larry Brown, who put three different schools on NCAA probation, deduct 10 points.

Score: Loyola 160, Michigan 20, Villanova 15, Kansas minus-20.

12. If your school’s most recent national title was won on a thrilling buzzer beater, add 10 points for being epic.

Score: Loyola 170, Villanova 25, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-20.

13. If your school’s most recent national title was won after a thrilling buzzer-beater forced overtime, add five points for being mostly epic.

Score: Loyola 170, Villanova 25, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-15.

14. If your school’s most recent national title was won on a ticky-tack foul call that allowed your team to shoot two free throws with three seconds left, deduct five points for hollow victory.

Score: Loyola 170, Villanova 25, Michigan 15, Kansas minus-15.

15. If the most famous team in your school’s history was a pioneering group that helped forward the integration of college basketball, add 20 points.

Score: Loyola 190, Villanova 25, Michigan 15, Kansas minus-15.

16. If the most famous team in your school’s history had both its Final Four appearances vacated for NCAA violations, deduct 10 points.

Score: Loyola 190, Villanova 25, Michigan 5, Kansas minus-15.

17. If your school’s nickname is the Ramblers but your mascot is a wolf, deduct 10 points for mixed messages.

Score: Loyola 180, Villanova 25, Michigan 5, Kansas minus-15.

18. If your school’s nickname and mascot are an imaginary bird, deduct 10 points for fabrication.

Score: Loyola 180, Villanova 25, Michigan 5, Kansas minus-25.

19. If your school’s nickname and mascot are Wildcats, deduct 10 points for triteness.

Score: Loyola 180, Villanova 15, Michigan 5, Kansas minus-25.

20. If your school has a nickname but doesn’t have a mascot, live or costumed, add five points for originality.

Score: Loyola 180, Villanova 15, Michigan 10, Kansas minus-25.

21. If your school has won a national title in San Antonio, add five points for good karma.

Score: Loyola 180, Villanova 15, Michigan 10, Kansas minus-20.

22. If your school has choked as a No. 1 seed against a No. 11 in San Antonio, deduct five points for bad karma.

Score: Loyola 180, Villanova 15, Michigan 10, Kansas minus-25.

23. If your school has a player whose nickname is the Big Ragu, add 10 points for quirkiness.

Score: Loyola 180, Villanova 25, Michigan 10, Kansas minus-25.

24. If your school has a player who is universally known as Svi, add 10 points for brevity, which is the soul of wit.

Score: Loyola 180, Villanova 25, Michigan 10, Kansas minus-15.

25. If your school has a player whose only previous Final Four experience was at Division III Williams College, add 10 points for upward mobility.

Score: Loyola 180, Villanova 25, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-15.

26. If your school has two players who have been best friends since third grade, add 10 points for charm.

Score: Loyola 190, Villanova 25, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-15.

27. If your school is here despite not playing big-time football, add 10 points for resourcefulness.

Score: Loyola 200, Villanova 35, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-5.

28. If your school is cashing huge football revenue checks without adding a cent of gridiron value to its conference, deduct 10 points for stealing.

Score: Loyola 200, Villanova 35, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-15.

29. If your school is succeeding despite being dwarfed by pro franchises in a four-sport city, add 10 points for overcoming civic indifference.

Score: Loyola 210, Villanova 45, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-15.

30. If your school is carrying the banner for the trod-upon mid-major masses, add 10 points for leadership.

Score: Loyola 220, Villanova 45, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-15.

31. If your school has the best fight song in the country, add 10 points for your listening pleasure.

Score: Loyola 220, Villanova 45, Michigan 30, Kansas minus-15.

32. If your school’s students do a form of the Gregorian Chant at every game, add 10 points for originality.

Score: Loyola 220, Villanova 45, Michigan 30, Kansas minus-5.

33. If nobody but alums recognizes any of your fight songs or chants, deduct 10 points for blandness.

Score: Loyola 210, Villanova 35, Michigan 30, Kansas minus-5.

34. If your team is standing between Sister Jean and the national championship game, deduct 10 points for villainy, involuntary as it may be.

Score: Loyola 210, Villanova 35, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-5.

35. If your team wouldn’t be here without a buzzer-beating hero jumper earlier in the tournament, add five points for serendipity.

Score: Loyola 210, Villanova 35, Michigan 25, Kansas minus-5.

36. If your team wouldn’t be here without two buzzer-beating hero jumpers earlier in the tournament, add 10 points for double serendipity.

Score: Loyola 220, Villanova 35, Michigan 25, Kansas minus-5.

37. If your team wouldn’t be here without a Svi three, add 5 points for serendipity that rhymes.

Score: Loyola 220, Villanova 35, Michigan 25, Kansas 0.

38. If your team has needed zero last-minute hero jumpers to be here, add 15 points for being damn good.

Score: Loyola 220, Villanova 50, Michigan 25, Kansas 0.

39. If your school could well be back here next year, deduct five points for predictability.

Score: Loyola 220, Villanova 45, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-5.

40. If your school may never be here again and your story is so fresh you make Butler seem like a corporate heavyweight, add 20 points for being the most likable team in years.

Final score: Loyola 240, Villanova 45, Michigan 20, Kansas minus-5.

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