Joe Lycett parodies Wayne Lineker’s viral ‘wifey’ checklist in Instagram post

Louis Chilton
·5 min read
Joe Lycett attends the premiere of
Joe Lycett attends the premiere of

Comedian Joe Lycett created a parody of a viral social media post written by Wayne Lineker, brother of ex-England footballer Gary Lineker.

In Lineker’s original Instagram post – which bore the disclaimer that it was “tongue-in-cheek banter”– the Nightclub owner listed a set of criteria for a potential future girlfriend.

“You must like older men but only me,” he wrote. “You have to be a worldie and above 30 (OK 28 29 could work) but not my age as that would just look weird.

“A dog is acceptable but will need a passport. You must be able to cook as I love cooking, especially Waitrose ready made meals.”

Other demands include that the suitor be “prepared to give up [their] career or job or at least be able to work from a laptop on a tropical beach somewhere”, and that they “must never have shared a teeth whitening post”.

The post was met with bemusement by many on social media, with some on Instagram and Twitter even querying whether Lineker had been the victim of a hack.

Lycett saw the funny side as he posted his own selfie on the social media website, along with an even more farcical list of “wifey” demands.

Beginning his post with the same phraseology as Lineker, the Joe Lycett’s Got Your Back star wrote that he had a “strong, nice, loving personality”.

He then listed his stipulations for a potential girlfriend: “Must like omelette. Must enjoy egg omelette. Must like scrambled egg. Must like cake with egg in it. Must like egg fried rice (but not other rice). Must like Cadbury creme egg. Must like fried egg.”

View this post on Instagram

This post is purely tongue in cheek banter..🧡 So, my family have decided I need a girlfriend for my own sanity and health...so here’s my criteria 😅 Ok - Let’s start this off like I’m normal: Strong nice loving personality ✅ Now to more important things: You must like older men but only me...You have to be a worldie and above 30 (Ok 28 29 could work) but not my age as that would just look weird 🤷‍♂️ you must like to travel and to fly business class and stay in incredible hotels. Be prepared to give up your career or job or at least be able to work from a laptop on a tropical beach somewhere. You will need to spend the summer in ibiza and the winter in Dubai with 2 weeks in Uk for Christmas and new year with the families and holidays to the Maldives...No baggage as mine are all grown up. A dog is acceptable but will need a passport. You must be able to cook as I love cooking, especially Waitrose ready made meals. You also don’t need to be verified I can sort that for you.. house music and R&B lovers only. No heavy rock or pop music. You must like Netflix especially money heist and also real crime. No chick flicks watch them with your mates. You need to be confident enough to be able to go to the front of the queue in nightclubs and accept a table and free drinks from the owners. You will need a driving license to share a Bentley and a Lamborghini Jeep (pending) ..you must never have shared a teeth whitening post!! I’m not on any dating sites you shouldn’t be too. I’m Not on only fans so you shouldn’t be too . You must love the gym, health food and have body definition as I will have soon. Accept and love my children and grandchildren and realise no more kids for me.. (never say never though) you must be able to let my PA @davehodges10 book all yours and our flights and purchase items online for you. You just need to send a link to him ..You must be able to accept my friends even @tonytrumanibiza as I will accept yours ... accept I have to reply to girls DMs not just guys... One last thing. Your geography needs to be on point as girls that think Lincoln is in Wales is not good. Be intelligent but not boring. Outgoing suits 😂🙈🧡#wifeywhereyouat #justbanter

A post shared by Wayne Lineker (@waynelineker) on Sep 15, 2020 at 8:45am PDT

Lycett continued: “Must like frittata made with egg. Must like those shakshukas you get in posh coffee shops (but only if made with egg). Must like scotch egg. Must like custard (if it is egg custard). Must be Alan Sugar. Must like boiled egg.”

The comedian’s followers joined in on the joke, with one person writing: “Think you need a hen, not a girlfriend.”

“Sound like a female poultry farmer would be the way forward. Good luck,” joked another.

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