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Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop is being Goop again, this time with a Father's Day gift guide.
The guide includes the kind of pricey self-help items you'd expect from the site, with one particular recommendation that sticks out
Or rather, "sticks in," since it's an adult toy. For your dad. Ew.
Often, when a person entrusted by a venerated publisher to report the news sits down to write a story, they do it with a sense of, "The people must know this."
But sometimes, that writer will be handed a story so weird, so WTF, so "faith in humanity diminishing" that they report it with a sense of, "Well, if I had to see this, everyone should have to."
Be warned: We're gonna talk about Gwyneth Paltrow's latest "wellness" recommendation at Goop.
And as you can probably guess from the headline, this is going to involve thinking about your dad, and toys meant for acts of intimacy.
So, if you'd like to stay living in a world where the words "Gwyneth Paltrow," "hot," and "toys" only conjures images of a Pepper Potts action figure made by a Hong Kong company named Hot Toys, look away now. Because everyone who keeps reading this is going to find out what made ITV host Lorraine Kelly lose it over Gwyneth Paltrow's latest gift guide.
Alright. Here we go. Per me si va ne l'etterno dolore, y'know?
So, Father's Day is coming up in June, and every website that offers gifting advice is finding the latest items that will make your dad happy, items he'll actually use.
And Goop's guide offers what any good guide would, like things dad can use on his face, and things he can use in his hair. But they also offer something he can use in his ... oh, sorry. Little bit of puke came up before we could even finish typing that one. It's just ... it's not a thing we should think about in the context of "dad."
And we're not the only ones who feel that way. Across the pond, ITV host Lorraine Kelly lost it over the inclusion of the LELO Hugo toy in the Goop gift guide, included with the caption "Yes, we did put a vibrator in this gift guide (it’s a hands-free toy for prostate stimulation)."
The Mirror provides a transcript of Kelly's recent on-air rant:
"Gwyneth Paltrow, never fails does she? Her Goop thing has released a Father's Day gift guide, and for goodness' sake, their latest offering - I'm not kidding you - includes a £10,000 Rolex, £50,000 Arctic Circle trip, but the gift that has got everyone talking, and not in a good way, is giving your dad a sex toy costing £160. And apparently they suggest that you buy this sex toy, I shall leave it to your imagination as to where that sex toy goes... you can guess, for your dad!"
She concluded with the sentiment "Stop it! Gwyneth stop! You've gone too far, it has to stop right now. Your dad would never speak to you again!" And you know? That part we don't necessarily agree with. It's not guaranteed that gifting your dad an adult toy will result in him not speaking to you anymore. In fact, it's possible it'll lead to him making new discoveries about himself, and talking to you even more about this journey of physical self-discovery.
Which, quite frankly, sounds even worse.
Thankfully, not everyone is out here advising you help your dad get freaky. We've somehow managed to find dozens of potential dad gifts, none of which have anything to do with his sex life. So ... probably just get him one of those instead.
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