December 01, 2009
There are so many hints and allegations surrounding the Tiger Woods wreck drama that it's all too easy to forget that there is, indeed, a victim whose suffering we can measure: the fire hydrant.
You know the details: Tiger Woods drove his Escalade over the hydrant before hitting a tree. And while it's been the subject of numerous tawdry jokes -- "Tiger couldn't decide between a wood and an iron" -- friends, the truth is, the hydrant's suffering is all too real. And the tragedy is, that hydrant is now suffering in silence and anonymity.
Matter of fact, the AP is now reporting that a new hydrant has been brought in; you can see it there at the far left of the photo. We can only hope that the hydrant run down by Mr. Woods is resting comfortably and not being, say, melted down for scrap. Inquiries to the hydrant have gone unanswered. Rest assured, however, that when the hydrant speaks, we'll have the news for you first here at Yahoo! Sports.
Interestingly, this is only the latest incident of violence committed by professional athletes against roadside objects. Earlier in November, NASCAR driver Kurt Busch brutally snuffed a traffic cone during a race at Talladega Superspeedway. One can only hope that this is the last of these crimes.