Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Helping your kids with their math homework is a good way to teach them about math and swear words.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) February 7, 2018
My life can be hard, but obviously not as hard as the dad who just yelled, "FIVE SECOND RULE!" in this Chuck E. Cheese.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 9, 2018
Whatever clothing style parents are into when they have their first kid is the style they’re stuck in for the rest of their lives.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 3, 2018
Two or more children is called a "too loud"
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 5, 2018
Opening your kid’s backpack on Monday. pic.twitter.com/JvYlXF6wZt
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) February 5, 2018
Just saw a toddler swipe a fish tank because he was ready to watch something else.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 6, 2018
Me: Honey, do you think Daddy could answer any of these questions?
My daughter, head tilted so that her lips fit under the slat below the locked bathroom door: I don't think so. Why?
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) February 9, 2018
Letting my kids make pretend food for me. But the ingredients they are using suggest they might be trying to pretend poison me.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 6, 2018
A cool thing about having kids is that you can get out of doing stuff you don't wanna do by telling people your kid is sick.
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 6, 2018
Parenting never gets easier. It just morphs into new and exciting varieties of difficulty.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) February 5, 2018
My 3-year-old yelled, "I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING," from on the toilet.
Nobody was asking her to do anything.
She just thought we should know.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 5, 2018
You know daycare had a good birthday party when your kid comes home with chocolate on their socks.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 9, 2018
Kids before school: No! I don't want to go to school.
Kids after school: Let's play school.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) February 5, 2018
Sometimes I sit and wonder, how did I ever clean without baby wipes?
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) February 7, 2018
"STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO"
- I yell to my children
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) February 8, 2018
Two-year-old: *picks up half lemon* lemon! *tastes it* SOUR
Me: Yeah buddy you probably don’t want—
2yo: *tasted lemon again* sour!
Me: You uh
2yo: *wanders off munching on lemon* sourrrr
— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) February 5, 2018
A "teeter-totter" can also be called a "baby catapult."
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 7, 2018
My son says I only had kids so I could make them do chores. Like yes, I made a bunch of messy, whiny poop machines so they could cry while doing a crap job of cleaning that I just have to redo later.
— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) February 8, 2018
— Timmy Bear (@mykidsarecazy) February 3, 2018
My son looked down at his cereal and loudly whispered, "Ahhh just like in the old times" so wtf is he reincarnated or something cuz I don't have enough shit to worry about
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 6, 2018
Me: want to talk?
6: sure. But I've been thinking about important things.
Me: that's okay, that's what I'm here for.
6: why don't we use chocolate for money instead of coins and bills? It just doesn't make sense.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) February 6, 2018
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
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