Fitness Fail Friday: The Worst First Day of CrossFit

Meet Timmy. This is his first day of CrossFit.

Because he’s an impressionable, earnest young man, Timmy dropped $200 on official CrossFit shorts (moisture wicking!) and barefoot Vibram shoes (improved proprioception!) before stepping into the CrossFit box.

At the box, he walks through several lifts with his new CrossFit buddy, Brandon, before deciding to try the Zercher Squat. He’s making friends, he’s feeling less ridiculous about his shoes—things are going great.

Brandon asks how much weight Timmy usually squats. Timmy looks down at his new outfit and breaks into a sweat. What’s the lowest number he can say without looking like a CrossFit fraud?

“Like 190.”



“You want to squat 190 kilograms?”

“Those are like pounds, right?”

“Well kinda, but . . .”

“190. 190 for sure.”

“Whatever you say, bro.”

After setting up the tripod and camera he brought to commemorate his first CrossFit lift, Timmy steps up to the bar and stares at it for a good 15 seconds while desperately trying to remember every coaching point he just learned.


Zercher Squat Fail
Zercher Squat Fail

At this moment, Timmy learns an important lesson: 190 kilograms is not the same as 190 pounds. He presses on.

Not Breathing
Not Breathing

No longer breathing.

Zercher Squat Fail
Zercher Squat Fail

Dignity gone.

Cartoon Death
Cartoon Death

Cartoon death scene.

Sorry about your first day of CrossFit, Timmy. Thank you for sharing it with the world.

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This article originally appeared on Fitness Fail Friday: The Worst First Day of CrossFit