September 23, 2010
Each week the Noise highlights six unobviousnames who he believes are destined to morph into human torpedos. For those playing the Lames home edition, each player must be started in at least 50 percent of Yahoo! leagues to qualify. As anaccountability advocate, results, whether genius or moronic, will post the following week using the scoring system listed here. Cyber-bullies, feel free to tweet your hindsight jabs here.
Congratulations Brett! Your consolation prize in the Vincent Jackson(notes) sweepstakes … the dude who knocked up the well-endowed, ditzy blonde form "The Girls Next Door." Unable to wrest away the disgruntled V-Jax from SoCal purgatory, the Vikings are a sinking ship offensively. Outside Visanthe Shiancoe(notes), chemistry issues continue to plague the Old Gunslinger. Through two games he’s found the end zone just once and has completed an appalling 58.7 percent of his passes. Normally, a date with the Hello Kitties is the ideal remedy for any passing sickness, particularly for Favre. In his illustrious career, he’s lit up Detroit tossing 51 touchdown passes in 30 games. However, possibly minus Percy Harvin(notes), whose badly bruised hip and resurfaced migraines are likely to keep him out of action, shoddy route runner Bernard Berrian(notes) as the No. 1 doesn’t inspire hope for a turnaround. The forty-something told the AP earlier this week “You go down swinging and you win swinging,” Unfortunately, even against an awful Lions secondary which has allowed a very generous 328 passing yards per game, Favre will look like Mark Reynolds. Maybe the Silver Slinger should’ve taken the million bucks to exterminate his trademark gray hair after all. Right now, he’s looking way over-the-hill.
Fearless Forecast: 21-33, 211 passing yards, 1 passing touchdown, 1 interception, 13 fantasy points
The ballyhooed rookie admitted on Wednesday he’s currently dealing with a high ankle sprain, but remains stedfast he will start despite missing practice time. Regardless if he suits up, Mathews is completely avoidable in Week 3. Seattle is a different defensive animal at QWest Field. Beat down by the Broncos in Denver last week, the ‘Hawks surrendered 118 total yards and a score to Knowshon Moreno(notes). However, in friendly surroundings, the story will be very different. In an attempt to exploit Seattle’s primary defensive weakness, its secondary, Norv Turner will likely feature the run early, an appealing scenario for Mathews owners. However, sporting a reshuffled defensive line, Pete Carroll’s crew has limited backs to just 2.1 yards per carry on the young season. More discouraging, only one visiting rusher, Chris Johnson, has surpassed the century mark against the ‘Hawks over their past 11 home games. Toss in Mike Tolbert’s(notes) cemented role as goal-line gremlin, and the popular first-round pick will likely be unplugged. Danger, danger, low voltage. (Note: If Mathews is unable to go, the performances of Tolbert/Darren Sproles(notes) will be scored).
Against a hungry 49ers club desperately searching for its first win, the JC of KC will not be a Week 3 savior. Todd Haley, the Judas of fantasy, apologized to virtual managers earlier this week about the ongoing timeshare between Charles and Thomas Jones(notes), stating he has a “clear-cut plan in of how we will do things with each guy.” Don’t expect the coach to stray away from the current scheme this week. Running down the throat of Patrick Willis(notes) and company has been a fruitless endeavor so far this year. Through two weeks, the Gold Panners have given up just 2.7 yards per carry to rushers. To fully utilize Charles’ home run-hitting speed, Haley will likely call his number often on short swings and dumps, still making the terribly underused back a solid PPR play. However, due to his expected 12-17 touches and daunting matchup, he can’t be trusted in standard formats. Clearly, Haley’s shenanigans are ruining one of the game’s most explosive talents.
Fearless Forecast: 11 carries, 54 rushing yards, 4 receptions, 26 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 7 fantasy points
No garlic, witchcraft or strange costumes will help Fitz ward off the Black Death,
Derek Anderson(notes) Nnamdi Asomugha(notes). Not on the same page as Anderson, the decorated wideout has posted an uncharacteristic 37.1 catch percentage through two games. His 9.3 fantasy points per game output in standard formats is respectable, but not exactly what owners who invested heavy coin into the two-time Pro Bowler bargained for. Save for Darrelle Revis(notes), Asomugha is arguably the best cover corner in the league. Unlike a year ago when he was shifted around in an attempt to create confusion, the pesky Raider has remained fixed on the opposition’s top target. Combine that with Oakland’s aggressive blitzing approach, and Fitz could easily accumulate mediocre numbers. Damn you and your Viennese Waltz, Kurt Warner(notes).
Fearless Forecast: 5 receptions, 52 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 5 fantasy points
Steve Smith, Car, WR (Noise Week 3 Rank: 27, 93-percent started)
Matchup: vs. Cin
Jimmy Clausen(notes) may already be light years ahead of Brady Quinn(notes) – a career-changing moment which can take hours and, in rare cases, days for any young quarterback to achieve – but he’s no Joe Montana. Because it’s the rookie’s first game as a starter and against a prowling Bengals defense which picked off Joe Flacco(notes) four times a week ago, Smith could fade into the fantasy background. Cincy has tallied just one sack through two games, but Marvin Lewis will attack the pocket in an attempt to rattle Clausen’s cage. Smith is a slippery target who can find and exploit coverage voids in a variety of ways, but due to the Bengals’ bracket scheme he will garner plenty of attention. Unless the green QB suddenly parties like Steve Beuerlein ’99, it could be a quiet afternoon for the elite receiver. Keep in mind, the Bengals did not allow a wideout to surpass 70-yards against the Patriots and Ravens.
Fearless Forecast: 5 receptions, 47 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 4 fantasy points
Historically, the consistency king’s value has driven off the cliff against the Bears. In 19 clashes versus the archrival, Driver has crossed the chalk only twice and recorded an unappealing 3.7 receptions and 48.7 yards per game. Though unable to contain Miles Austin(notes) last week, as a whole, Chicago has played brilliantly on defense over the first two weeks. The new Monsters of the Midway will have their hands full against Aaron Rodgers(notes), but they’ve bottled him up before. Recall the last time A-Rod ventured into the Windy City, he posted his worst fantasy performance of 2009 (16-24, 180 yards, 0 TDs, FL). Attention drawn to JerMichael Finley(notes) has generated more opportunities for Driver, but the Bears Cover 2, as it seemingly always does, will once again keep Driver in the garage. Austin Collie(notes) (at Den), Mark Clayton(notes) (vs. Wash) and Louis Murphy(notes) (at Ari) are wiser WR3 choices.
Fearless Forecast: 4 receptions, 31 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 3 fantasy points
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