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Each week the Noise highlights six unobvious names who he believes are destined to morph into human torpedos. For those playing the Lames home edition, each player must be started in at least 50 percent of Yahoo! leagues to qualify. As an accountability advocate, results, whether genius or moronic, will post the following week using the scoring system listed here. Cyber-bullies, feel free to tweet your hindsight jabs here.

Tom Brady(notes), NE, QB (Noise Week 7 QB Rank: 10, 80-percent started)
Matchup: at SD

Local media might be screaming “injustice” over Brady’s No. 21 ranking of all-time great players by the NFL Network, but this week he’ll look far from legendary. If that happens, we can only hope Justin Bieber goes all Easy E on Goldilocks’ game, not his mane. Despite missing key components on defense (e.g. Shawne Merriman(notes)), the Chargers have jolted the competition. Passers have performed 26.3 percent below the league average against them netting a mere 183 yards and 0.75 touchdowns per game. Understandably, doubters will point to a lack of meaningful competition for the inflated numbers. After all, Matt Hasselbeck(notes) is the best quarterback San Diego has faced. Cornerback Antoine Cason’s(notes) disappointing play last week against St. Louis only increases distrust. Still, at home and with their backs against the wall, the Chargers 3-4 will prove its defensive acuity isn’t a facade (Ok, it’s a stretch, but we have limited options that qualify). Keep in mind Brady has tallied a marginal 15 points per game away from Foxboro this year.

Fearless Forecast: 21-34, 244 passing yards, 1 touchdown, 2 interceptions, 14 fantasy points

Possible QB alternatives: Kyle Orton(notes) (vs. Oak), Kevin Kolb(notes) (at Ten), Matt Cassel(notes) (vs. Jac)

Maurice Jones-Drew(notes), Jac, RB (Noise Week 7 RB Rank: 18, 95-percent started)
Matchup: at KC

The last time Todd Bouman(notes), who is expected to draw the start with David Garrard(notes) and Trent Edwards(notes) sidelined, placed his hands under center (2005) Chad Ochocinco(notes) was merely an ordinary Johnson, Samkon Gado(notes) was altering the tilt of the fantasy sports world and Halle Berry was still deflecting the Noise’s advancements. The mere presence of the 38-year-old passer spells doom for frustrated MoJo owners. The Chiefs have improved significantly in every aspect defensively, especially up front. On the season, they’ve surrendered just 3.9 yards per carry to rushers. More impressively, no back has surpassed 75 rushing yards against them yet this season. In order to soften KC’s secondary, MJD will be overworked early, but don’t expect him to see much daylight. Overloaded boxes will undoubtedly keep him under wraps. Even when Garrard performed competently, the pint-sized rusher turned in several mediocre efforts. His current 3.9 ypc mark is the lowest of his career. Oompa Loompa doompadah dee, Jones-Drew is avoidable against KC.

Fearless Forecast: 23 carries, 81 rushing yards, 2 receptions, 4 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 8 fantasy points

LeSean McCoy(notes), Phi, RB (Noise Week 7 RB Rank: 15, 85-percent started)
Matchup: at Ten

If there’s one person PPR owners want in their fantasy foxhole each and every Sunday it’s McCoy. Despite fighting through rib pain that could probably cripple even Chuck Norris, “Shady” continues to function at a first-round level. On the season, he’s racked 4.8 yards per carry, 111.3 total yards per game and five total touchdowns. But this week could be one of his few vanilla efforts. Despite its shortcomings in pass defense, Tennessee has plugged gaps effectively between the tackles, holding plowshares to just 3.8 yards per carry. Roster staples Rashard Mendenhall(notes) and Jones-Drew are two marquee rushers who notched lackluster performances against the Titans. Obviously, he can’t be demoted in PPR formats. Because the Titans, who lead the NFL in sacks with 24, are a blitz-crazed bunch, McCoy will play a pivotal role as a check-down receiver. Four-to-six receptions are certainly in the cards. However, due to Tennessee’s vertical insufficiencies, he could shoulder a lighter ground workload.

Fearless Forecast: 14 carries, 57 rushing yards, 5 receptions, 28 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 8 fantasy points

Ryan Torain(notes), Was, RB (Noise Week 7 RB Rank: 21, 57-percent started)
Matchup: at Chi

Owners who believe Torain will again finish inside the position’s top-10 are truly insane in the memb-rain. Yes, INSANE IN THE BRAIN! The Freight Train steamed his way to spectacular numbers Sunday night, plowing through and over the My Little Ponies. Though his 100-yard, two-TD effort was impressive, derailment is a strong possibility in the Windy City. Unlike Indy, the Bears have sealed off peripheral lanes with much success. Backs have averaged just shy of 4.0 yards per carry running left or right against them. More concerning, rushers have logged zero or negative yards on a carry 27.6 percent of the time versus Chicago, the highest mark in the league. Torain is a rising star who will should be a fairly consistent producer down the stretch, but on the road against the swarming Monsters of the Midway he warrants bench consideration. If he matches last week’s output, we’ll swim the Indianapolis canal in a sober state.

Fearless Forecast: 17 carries, 65 rushing yards, 1 reception, 3 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 6 fantasy points

Possible RB alternatives: Marshawn Lynch(notes) (vs. Ari), Peyton Hillis(notes) (at NO), Christopher Ivory(notes) (vs. Cle), Willis McGahee(notes) (vs. Buf)

Roy Williams, Dal, WR (Noise Week 7 WR Rank: 34, 57-percent started)
Matchup: vs. NYG

Defying his naysayers, the glass-half full receiver has turned back the clock, performing at a level reminiscent of 2006. Williams, not hotshot rookie Dez Bryant(notes), has become Tony Romo’s(notes) money man inside the red-zone. Currently the ninth-best wideout in the virtual game, he’s hauled in five touchdown passes over the past three weeks, an amazing accomplishment when you consider Crisco naturally seeps from his pores. However, this is the week the scoring streak ends. The Giants secondary has clamped down on opponents yielding just four 70-yard wide receiver performances. Secondary options have also averaged a mere 36.2 yards against them. Complicating matters further, Dallas’ inconsistencies in pass protection could create problems for Tony Romo. The G-Men, who’ve notched 3.5 sacks per game, can really sniff out the quarterback. Though he’s been one of fantasy’s pleasant surprises, Williams will be spooned a strong dose of reality.

Fearless Forecast: 4 receptions, 51 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 5 fantasy points

Michael Crabtree(notes), SF, WR (Noise Week 7 WR Rank: 37, 58-percent started)
Matchup: at Car

Mariah is on fiyah. Under the direction of new offensive coordinator Mike Johnson(notes), San Francisco’s famed diva has finally captured the spotlight. Over his past two contests, he’s attracted 20 targets reeling in 13 passes for 162 yards and two touchdowns. However, this week expect him to drop off the charts. Panthers corner Chris Gamble(notes) is a very physical defender who will constantly jam and press Crabtree at the line, a style which has squelched several top receiving options. Ochocinco, Marques Colston(notes) and Johnny Knox(notes) all failed to reach the 40-yard mark against the former Buckeye. On the season, WR1s have averaged just 47.2 yards per game versus Carolina, the fourth-lowest tally in the league. Due to the Panthers’ vulnerability up front, Frank Gore(notes) will be the point of emphasis, cutting into Crabtree’s workload. Pan for fantasy gold elsewhere.

Fearless Forecast: 5 receptions, 46 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 4 fantasy points

Possible WR alternatives: Mike Wallace(notes) (at Mia), Robert Meachem(notes) (vs. Cle), Lance Moore(notes) (vs. Cle), Jason Avant(notes) (at Ten), Patrick Crayton(notes) (vs. NE), Mike Williams, Sea (vs. Ari), Derrick Mason(notes) (vs. Buf)

Other potential Week 7 Lames: Tony Romo (vs. NYG), Ronnie Brown(notes) (vs. Pit), Santana Moss(notes) (at Chi), Steve Smith (at Dal), Mike Sims-Walker(notes) (at KC)


Image courtesy of Getty

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