Every Remaining Contestant On Season 17 of The Bachelorette , Ranked

·4 min read

I’ll admit it: I wasn’t always a fan of the Bachelor extended universe. For years, I watched my roommates huddle together with wine and popcorn, ready to gorge on unlimited scenes of attractive people making out and rejecting each other in fancy villas, before heading to my room and shutting the door. I was no reality-TV snob (just ask the viewing history on my Netflix account), but there was something about manufactured romance that just wasn’t for me.

I’m not sure how, when, or why (though I suspect it has to do with finding a reliable local bar to watch at), but suddenly a switch was flipped, and now I can’t get enough of season 17 of The Bachelorette, which tracks 30-year-old bank marketing manager Katie Thurston as she sifts through a deep pile of men, now cut down to 22, to find her one true love. Unfortunately—or fortunately, for the purposes of exciting group viewing—not all Bachelorette contestants were created equal. Two episodes in, find an official power ranking of this season’s remaining contestants below:

22. Connor B., 29, math teacher.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

I cannot emphasize this enough: This man dressed up as a cat to meet Katie, and she still made out with him. While he was dressed! As! A! Cat! I’m so horrified by this scene, a full week later, that I can barely speak of it.

21. Quartney, 26, nutrition entrepreneur.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Okay, I may have an irrational dislike of names starting with Q, but I am also not a fan of any vocation that involves “hacking” nutrition. Next!

20. Greg, 27, marketing sales representative.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

My fellow-viewer friend and I agree that Greg has “Bumble face,” an affliction that is basically exactly what it sounds like; he seems like someone you’d see on a dating app.

19. Andrew M., 31, deputy district attorney.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

No cops, no DAs, no gods, no masters.

18. Karl, 24, motivational speaker.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Karl does not motivate me, personally.

17. Michael, 36, business owner.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Looks far too much like Pete Buttigieg for my personal comfort level. (Come on, you see it, right?)

16. Mike, 31, gym owner.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Mike is admirably sculpted, but unfortunately, he resembles an adult version of a kid named Ben who once snapped my training bra at summer camp, and for this he must suffer.

15. Kyle, 26, technical recruiter.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Why is his neck so square?!?

14. Justin, 26, investment sales consultant.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Justin looks kind of hot-but-mean, and I’m not sure whether “hot” or “mean” wins out.

13. John, 27, bartender.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Serial-killer vibes, but still cute. Do I have a type?

12. Conor, 28, former baseball player.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Pretty eyes, but I don’t trust this facial-hair arrangement.

11. Christian, 26, real estate agent.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Meh.

10. Aaron, 26, insurance agent.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Slightly less meh, but still meh.

9. Brendan, 26, firefighter trainee.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

We love a firefighter! Even a trainee!

8. David, 27, technical production specialist.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

I have nothing clever to say about David, he’s just hot.

7. Josh, 25, IT consultant.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

A well-dressed cutie who can fix my cursed, broken laptop? Yes.

6. Thomas, 28, real estate broker.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

I like big ears, and I cannot lie.

5. Tre, 26, software engineer.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Tre is apparently afraid of piranhas, which I find extremely relatable.

4. Hunter, 34, software strategist.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Why am I so attracted to this dad with a tattoo sleeve? (You can’t see it in this picture, but trust me, it’s there.)

3. Garrett, 29, software marketing manager.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

We love a redhead who loves his dog!

2 . Andrew S., 26, pro football player.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Not only does this man look good in a turtleneck, but he’s also in Vienna half the year for work. Dream boyfriend status! (Is my lesbianism showing?)

1. James, age 30, software salesman.

<cite class="credit">Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin</cite>
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Yes, he was literally in a box for most of the first episode, and yes, I’m a fan of the commitment.

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Originally Appeared on Vogue