Welcome back to another weekly roundup of funny and heartwarming tweets. Whether you're in need of a smile or just looking to pass the time, these great tweets are for you:
Bro i hate when babies start acting brand new like mf it’s me, i just saw you last week and we were best friends don’t do this to me
The millennial urge to quit my job every time they ask me to do my job
Nobody: Me peaking on Shrooms:
NYC LANDLORDS: It’s not that bad in the apartment.THE NOT THAT BAD APARTMENT:
Love watching people’s reactions to getting gifts they’ve always wanted. His reaction >>>
This video is sending me 😂😂😂😂😂
me when i go to the bathroom and the toilet is full of unflushed doo doo
orange juice with pulp is so fuckign crazy imagine if there was a potato in your vodka
this still cracks me up
I asked a group of 6 year olds if they wanted to get something off their chest.They did.A THREAD
never been more scared of a dog
“If you love what you do it won’t feel like wor—“
I hate when I’m in the car Turnt & somebody call me 🙄 bitch I’m in da studio wtf you want
Me watching you in the Google Doc
Nature is so beautiful if you stop for a second and really appreciate it...
Your dad talking to your friend of 10+ years trying to remember their name
She definitely called that dog a slur or sumn in doggy language lmfaooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Nobody: Women’s beds:
Me sitting down to eat on Thanksgiving, knowing I didn’t cook a damn thing…
I love dry cereal it feels like im eating dog food for girls
brother what have they done to you
5 seconds after sending “no problem! happy to help!”
made my own
*walking on a completely smooth path*my ankle:
I’m just remembering that my second year in America, someone asked me to “validate their parking,” which was my first time hearing the phrase, and after blinking stupidly in silence for a full five seconds I said “Well parking is really hard but I’m sure you did it really well”
AirBnB: no partying allowedthe House:
me before I type out affect or effect
How tf Bubbles holding these chopsticks
i have to call you back my financial advisor just got here
My gummy vitamins melted together so I’m just gonna take a bite out of this every day instead of letting them go to waste
When you’re giving birth and you hear your husband laughing with the nurses
Another childhood pleasure that has 0 explanation
My elbow watching me do a full skin care routine on my face.
Bruh training to be a motorcycle https://t.co/9P17oCNpGj
@JavzB @momma_first @TylerIAm The beginning… hands down the funniest on twitter
“I was born in 2007” sounds so fake bro nobody is born that late
my kids figured out the password to my wife's computer and have been sending me these texts as if they were from her
me when I realize it was me who didn't text back
My mom when she brushed my hair for school 🥲
went on a date with a guy years ago and told him i might have narcolepsy to which he look at me weirdly, changed the subject and he never called me back - years later he asked if i still fancied dead people and it turns out he thought i meant necrophilia
the trauma in her voice. our girls were down BAD in the early 2000’s
Turning off the microwave at :01 so it doesn’t beep
nobody:Pg.16 of our high school history textbook:
Spam callers, I’m tired of’em. Let’s have some fun 🙃
my mom: “what are you gonna do when i die”me: can you scoot over
my mom found out i had nipple piercings today
My god she's good.
I always laugh when I remember I hugged my first ever therapist and she texted me “don’t ever do that again” before I hit the end of the street. my life is a sketch show.
*Me in heaven*: Damn this place is nice as hellAngels:
Google knows everything until you have an assignment.
Me trying to explain to my mom the whole class failed and it wasn’t only me
When my friends are trying to teach me the rules of a card game and I physically cannot listen.
Lol my mom decided to change my sheets while I was at work and my vibrator is now on my dresser instead of under my pillow
My mom and dad got in a fight and he did this 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
my dad is even worse than Bean Dad
5 years ago, I quit my job at Applebee's to do comedy. Today, I just started working at that same exact Applebee's. Shit didn't really work out for me
When someone say “where’s the last place you had it?” After you lost something
I SAID where the fuck all our money go 😂😂
Family dollar always have one cashier...where’s the rest of the damn family at😑
I SPENT 2 WEEKS LOOKING FOR MY IPAD 😭 😭
i be like “omg, i have so much to do” and lay down
i would like to be held like this
For the next game, a player must thaw this 5 minutes before mom gets home from work.
“food gives u energy”me after eating:
uber driver heard me singing along and changed the station...
Dawg this is one of the greatest tik toks Iv ever seen
As soon as I hear “smile beautiful” at the gas station.
uh hi, yes, hello do u have a moment to talk about our lord and savior godzilla
i just think its funny when dog's eyes just go like
I got the Pfizer vaccine and pso pfar pno pside effects.
melting down at the discovery that hugh grant’s middle name is mungo. humongo grant. someone held a tiny newborn infant in their arms and said this is my baby, humongo grant.
Getting a man to do something I’m perfectly capable of doing.
💀💀no because yall gotta come see
Fuck a 2 weeks notice. Yall shoulda noticed 2 weeks ago tht i was bout to quit
The mango seed when I’m done.
Me clicking “leave meeting” while everybody saying bye
“I don’t like who I am at work.”
I can’t believe I have to WORK to make MONEY
That stupid walk you do when someone’s mopping a floor and you know you’re gonna walk over it but you want them to see how sorry you are to be walking over it so you make yourself look like you’re walking over hot lava.
when i learned the word “literally” that was the beginning of the end
I get married tomorrow, just making sure we still good 🤣🤣🤣
him : what you gotta buy from target ?me : target will tell me when i get there
This is Honey. She will show you her ears or her tongue, but never both. The world isn’t ready for that. 14/10 would boop
"I'll just wake up early tomorrow to finish it"
me muted on Zoom, but still doing the most with my expressions to show that I’m listening
Me: *memorizes number from website* brain you got this right?Brain: I know the numberMe: *closes browser and opens phone* ok brain give it to me.Brain: I know a very similar number
me in a meeting: “this could’ve been an email”me receiving an email: “i’m going to hurl myself into the sun”
“nobody loves you”my dog when I get home:
adulthood is wild because one day you get a little sleepy and then you stay that way for the rest of your life
there has never been a better use of this meme
(Seattle, Washington): Fans bring their dogs to "Bark at the Park" night at the Seattle Mariners game. Stadium has the "Simba Cam" where people hold up their dogs 'Lion King style' for a chance to be featured on the jumbotron. 🦁🎶🐶🎵🦁 (🎥:af0ne)
Laundry:Washing - 30 mins Drying - 60 mins Putting away - 7-10 business days.
my son told me he was fat... I’m over here telling him he’s not..... so he says............. “it’s okay mama I am cause so are you” ...........
y’all be scared to double text lmaoo not me ding ding tis i again