‘I didn’t want to live anymore:’ Paige VanZant candidly speaks on mental state after BKFC loss

Paige VanZant put on a brave face and flipped the bird on social media in the immediate aftermath of her latest defeat, but she was hurting inside.

On the latest episode of “A Kickass Love Story,” her video blog with husband Austin Vanderford, VanZant reflected on her performance at Bare Knuckle FC 19 and, more importantly, her mental health in the aftermath of losing to Rachael Ostovich.

“I’m bummed out. I mean, I’m bummed out to say the least. Everyone expects me to lose, and everyone expects me to fail,” an emotional VanZant said, her face still swollen from the fight. “I don’t know, I just feel like people have this specific perception of who I am and especially online. It’s crazy how much people can hate on a single person. I just don’t get it. I pride myself on being a good person, and I think that’s the most important thing for me: I never talk bad about my opponents. I never say a single negative thing about their character. You never know what somebody is going through, and you never know what someone is on the verge of.”


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VanZant, 27, is now 0-2 in BKFC after leaving the UFC, where she closed out her tenure losing three of her final four fights.

VanZant said that, when she left the ring immediately upon hearing the announcement that she’d lost, she walked all the way to the parking lot and cried by herself. She also said some “pretty terrible things” to Vanderford.

“I told him I didn’t want to live anymore, that this wasn’t for me anymore,” VanZant said. “Life wasn’t for me anymore. It’s disappointing. It was hard.”

She continued, “It can be hard when Austin and I are married, and he keeps winning, and I keep losing. But honestly, him and his success is like the only thing that keeps me going, because I do feel like we win together. His next fight will be for a title, and I know he’s gonna win. I just know how good it’s gonna feel for him and for me, and I’m so happy. I’m so proud of him. His title fight to look forward to is all worth it.”

You can watch the full episode of “A Kickass Love Story” in the video above.