On Tuesday, the Los Angeles Clippers held a press conference. They showed off their terrible new uniforms and their formidable core of free agent signings, including Paul Pierce, Wesley Johnson, Cole Aldrich, Austin Rivers and Josh Smith. They also re-introduced us to the re-signed DeAndre Jordan, who infamously backed out of an oral agreement to sign with the Dallas Mavericks at the zero hour, choosing instead to return to the Clippers. Clippers coach and basketball el jefe Doc Rivers, who helped re-recruit Jordan back to Los Angeles, beamed throughout.
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When asked by ESPN’s Arash Markazi at the press conference whether or not he owed Mavericks owner Mark Cuban an apology for going back on his word, or even for ignoring a series of texts and calls from the fellow grown man, Jordan offered … um … this?
"Originally when I committed to Dallas -- I mean I loved Doc -- but I didn't call him," Jordan said. "We talked a little bit later. But I mean when we make decisions in life and then we go back and change our minds on them, I feel like the only thing you can do is man up and apologize for it and voice your opinion, and that's what I did. And I can't speak for Mark or anybody else or anything. I'm speaking for myself, and that's what I did."
Now, you think about that response for too long, and your brain will start to hurt. Even a good night’s sleep won’t help things. It makes you wonder how bad his ghostwriter had it. You’ll wake up the next morning and somehow find the IQ points needed to start a car with an automatic transmission to go run an errand, but because you’re way dumber now you’ll also turn on the insufferable Colin Cowherd’s radio show on your way back home.
Mark Cuban will be on. You’ll hear this …
Cuban on DeAndre: "Makeup sex is always the best sex but after it's over you stare at that same face and realize the problems are the same."
— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) July 22, 2015
… and you’ll just want to just take that car, park it on the train tracks, and wait.
Really, the only response to this ham-fisted, childish attempt at either making light of or explaining away this whole situation is, “I remember when I had my first beer.”
Mark Cuban is a very intelligent, forward-thinking individual that has done well to delegate properly and run a basketball team expertly for the last 15 years (in spite of a frustrating four-year spell following his championship in 2011), but he’s been living by Word of the Bro Bible for about a quarter-century too long.
DeAndre Jordan won’t return a phone call and, and after being handed a billionaire’s credit card in a major city and the chance to order dinner for several grown men, decides that “chicken fingers it is!”
These are just textbook examples, from a book none of us would ever want to read, as to go about making the right decision the absolute wrong way.
Even if the Mavericks amped up DeAndre Jordan’s usage rate and found ways to motivate him into turning into more of a presence on the offensive end, there would still be a question as to whether or not he would even be an upgrade over last year’s center, Tyson Chandler. We dig DeAndre’s game, genuinely, but a core of Jordan, Dirk Nowitzki at age 37 (even recognizing his deserved All-Star berth from 2014-15), Chandler Parsons coming off of a knee surgery that we don’t know the severity of and Wesley Matthews coming off an Achilles tear that we (sadly) know the severity of wouldn’t leave Golden State, San Antonio, or Houston shaking.
Jordan was right to go back to Los Angeles, even if he was wrong to go back on his word. It was absolutely OK for him to do what he did, even if he shouldn’t have done it the way he done done it, y’all.
Mark Cuban was absolutely right to not raise a stink after Jordan’s silent defection. The man who can’t even get over a block/charge call that doesn’t go his way quickly moved on in trading for Zaza Pachulia, he passed on ranting loudly about the NBA’s moratorium period (the space that may have cost him DeAndre Jordan), he made nice with Clippers owner Steve Ballmer, and genuinely did well to tell anyone who would listen that it was time to move on.
Until Wednesday, at least. I guess Colin Cowherd tends to bring this sort of stuff out from people.
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