This is neither the time nor the place to practice your ski jumping, Wilson Chandler(notes). The time is "not when you're guarding Kevin Durant(notes)," and the place is "a ski resort of some type." You're going to need to hop on a mountain, bro.
Best caption wins crotch on your shoulder. Good luck.
In our last adventure: Evan Turner sees a generation rising up to take its place.
Winner, Moe: "Umm ... Derrick? Derrick Rose(notes) from Simeon? This is Evan Turner(notes). You probably don't remember me but I played ball in high school against you. And I, um, kinda gave you a hard time back then, and, uh, I did some things I thought were funny at the time, and realized they were just mean and stupid. And I just wanted to apologize and hope you forgive me."
NOTE: If this scene ends with Derrick Rose putting on lipstick and laying back on his couch as ELO's "Telephone Line" plays, the NBA has officially risen to a level of weird for which I am ill-prepared.
Runner-up, Robert C: "Maybe stealing brownies from the trainer's room was not a good idea ... but I don't care right now."
Second runner-up, Justin: "We're still only .5 game out. It's a Christmas miracle!"