I don't know why you look so surprised and curious, Pau Gasol. You know nothing can stop Ron Artest from getting to the front of the line once he hears tickets for the midnight showing of "Titanic" at Grauman's Chinese Theatre are on sale. You know it's his favorite.

Best caption wins a nude drawing of Kate Winslet as an old lady or whatever happened in that movie. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Quentin Richardson loves the smell of Spalding in the morning.


Winner, Vaffanculo: Though they were conjoined twins, only one enjoyed success at basketball.

Runner-up, Mr: "I've seen the commercials, ball. I've seen it. Talk to me. [whispers] Talk to me, please."

Second runner-up, Rccostner: "Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at 'Spalding.'"

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