Create-a-Caption: Gesundheit, Hasheem Thabeet

Ball Don't Lie

Sneezing stinks. You have to close your eyes, you start worrying that you're getting sick, and you spend the next minute or so battling the self-conscious fear that you have secret snots in/around your nose, which leads you to manufacture awkward opportunities to cover your face so you can do some nostril maintenance, except you're not now nor have you ever been slick, so it just looks like you're mauling your meridian and trying to pick a winner, which grosses out everyone around you and makes them think you're a creep.

Or maybe I overthink things.

Either way, having to sneeze when someone shovels you an entry pass at a charity game must be just about as bad as having to sneeze while driving the work carpool. I feel your pain, Hasheem Thabeet. Bless you.

Also, you should blow your nose when you get a sec. You caught a hanger.

Best caption wins slow-motion sneezing, because who doesn't want nightmares to last forever? Good luck.

In our last adventure: On Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's signal ... unleash hell.


Winner, Dago: Kareem referees a game of "Who's to Blame for the NBA Lockout?" The score: Owners — 1, Players — 1.

Runner-up, Solomon Grundy: Kareem sets the world record for the largest game of paper football ... ever

Second runner-up, Jones6: Kareem does his Richard Nixon impersonation, but it seems a little off.

A Special Commendation in Ruling, Making Us Think About "Airplane" Division, goes out to Mark M., who offered: "I'm sorry, son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot."

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