If Common Words Were Spelled Like New England Towns

The best part about living in New England is all the little quirks you encounter daily: the 57 Dunkins on your commute, each native's unwavering commitment to dropping every single "r," and the fact that almost no town is pronounced the way it's spelled.

man saying, people from boston don't even like it when a guy from boston does the boston accent
man saying, people from boston don't even like it when a guy from boston does the boston accent

TBS Network / Via media.giphy.com

I unironically love all this stuff. New England, never change.💚

Worcester is pronounced "WUHster," Leominster is "LEMinster," Isle Au Haut is "I'll-uh-HO," etc. I can't help but wonder how New England would spell other words we use on a daily basis.

men saying, new england does it again
men saying, new england does it again

UFC / Via media.giphy.com

So I New England-fied the spellings of 15 super common words in the English language — and the results are just as ridiculous as you'd expect.

shirt that says boston with flag and Massachusetts spelled wrong
Know Your Meme / Via knowyourmeme.com

1.Ketchup → kettuchepps

bottle of ketchup

Kettuchepps is a wicked popular condiment — but don't sleep on yeller mousterrd, sweatte ryllisch, and mayonnaise! (Mayonnaise is already spelled like a New England town.)

"Epp" is pronounced "up." The "tu" and "s" are silent.

Heinz / Via heinz.com

2.Bowling ball → bowelingham bayle

map of Massachusetts imposed on a photo of bowling

I literally had to double-check that Bowelingham Bayle isn't the name of a real town in Western Mass. (It's not — yet.)

"Bay" is pronounced "bah" and the "le" is functionally a double L. The "e" and "ham" are silent.

Zbruch / -elika- / Getty Images/iStockphoto / Alice Lahoda

3.Lemonade → leominaide

glasses of lemonade

If the Leominster town slogan isn't "When life gives you leomins, move to Leominster," I'll be forced to pursue legal action.

"Leomin" is pronounced "lemon."

Kseniya Ovchinnikova / Getty Images

4.Taylor Swift → Tallior Souwifett

taylor swift tickets

This one was tricky, but in the end, I'm pretty sure the singer of hits like "Yewbylong Wythmee," "The Borcest Deigh," and "Alltewelle (Tallior's Vurgshynne)" would be thrilled with the final result.

The "ill" is functionally flipped. The "ou" and "et" are silent.

Tooga / Getty / Alice Lahoda

5.Semester → sormeicester

college kids outside studying

New England is known for its elite boarding schools, and Boston is the quintessential US college town — which means the entire region is practically run on a sormeicester skedjuule.

"Orm" is pronounced "umm," and "eices" is pronounced "ess."

Halfpoint Images / Getty Images

6.Man → mahan

restroom sign that says mahen

Popular mahale names include Styvynne, Jorcesseph, and Kisle.

The "ah" is silent.

Catherine McQueen / Getty / Alice Lahoda

7.Woman → wormahan

restroom sign wormahen

Fun fact: one of my favorite songs is "Mahan, I Feel Lycke A Wormahan!" Popular femahale names include "Krhystown," "Orlyvea," and "Eyevah."

The "or" and "ah" are silent.

Catherine McQueen / Getty / Alice Lahoda

8.Person → pearcesson

sign that says all gender bathfrum

"Pearcesson" is the best word to use when you don't know if someone's pronouns are he/him, she/her, or theheigh/thaham.

"Ear" is pronounced "urr." The "ces" is silent.

Catherine McQueen / Getty / Alice Lahoda

9.Strawberry → storrowbury

bowl of strawberrys

Boston residents are secretly terrified that at any moment, a tourist will approach us to ask how we like our apples — so we tend to avoid the fruit entirely. Storrowburies are our red fruit of choice.

"Row" is pronounced "raw," and "ury" is pronounced "erry." The "or" is silent.

Westend61 / Getty Images/Westend61

10.Government → gouveranamount

capitol hill post card

New Englanders have a healthy distrust of gouveranamount, dating back to Boston's first city-wide tea party. The word is spoken most often in the sentence, "fahk tha gouveranamount!"

"Ouv" is pronounced "uhhv," and "mount" can be pronounced either "ment" or "mint." The "a" and "a" are silent.

Wowstockfootage / Getty Images / Alice Lahoda

11.Turntable → terntabisle

vinyl playing on a turntable

From Yo-Yo Ma to Dropkick Murphys, New England has a vibrant music scene and is home to some of the world's best musicians. And how better to listen to classical cello and/or punk bagpipes than on a terntabisle?

"Isle" is pronounced "ull."

Oscar Sánchez Photography / Getty Images

12.Tennis → tanness

woman playing tennis

With all the fancy country clubs in New England, it's no surprise that so many residents love tanness (aka "that game Syreanouh Willyammes plays").

"Ann" is pronounced "enn," and "ess" is pronounces "iss."

Abstract Aerial Art / Getty Images

13.Avril Lavigne → Averhill Louveanough

avril lavigne

Averhill Louveanough once asked, "Wydd yew have tew gough and make things sew cawmpleckayttid?" And it's a valid question — one I wish New England would have considered BEFORE naming its towns. But I dygresse.

"Louv" is pronounced "lev." The "e," "h," and "ough" are silent.

Arista Records / Alice Lahoda / Via amazon.com

14.Reflection → reighfullechoun

swan boats in the lake

New England is overflowing with bodies of water (pun intended) like the Attlyntyck Oashynne, where you can see your reighfullechoun.

"Choun" is pronounced "chen" or "chun." The "igh and "ul" are silent.

Maremagnum / Getty Images

15.BuzzFeed → BorcessFeouced

new logo that reads BorcessFeouced

Here at BorcessFeouced, I primarily write posts like "I Tryde Lima Beans So Yew Donutte Havvetew" and quyzzes like "Whych BorcessFeouced Quyz Are Yew?"

"Orcess" is pronounced "uzz," and "ed" is pronounced "eed." The "eouc" is silent.

BuzzFeed, Inc. / Alice Lahoda

Drop New England spellings of your favorite people, places, and things below!

What do you think?

  BuzzFeed, Inc. / Alice Lahoda
BuzzFeed, Inc. / Alice Lahoda