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With the last two NBA seasons ending in Miami, the league's champions are turning parties at the opulent, 3.5-star Yelp-rated club LIV into as much a part of the celebration experience as popping champagne bottles or acting like the head coach was the guy the players wanted in charge all along. With its views, bottle service, and air of exclusivity, it's the perfect place to reflect on a career in basketball, spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, and get so drunk that the athletes forget everything about the greatest night of their lives.
Yet LIV does not have every amenity its patrons could ever want. For instance, after winning the championship last Thursday, Heat big man Chris Bosh was hungry. Knowing he could only eat $40 pretzels at LIV (note: I have never been to LIV), Bosh decided to grab some food at Taco Bell, the home of champions. From an appearance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live," as transcribed by Ira Winderman for the South Florida Sun Sentinel (via TBJ):
So what was the post-locker room after-party like? "We went to Taco Bell right after," Bosh said.
Chris Bosh at Taco Bell on championship night? "They didn't see me," he said.
From there, it was on to Club LIV . "I didn't go into the party with the chalupa," he acknowledged. "I think all of Miami was in that club."
So wild times? "I'm not going to lie," he said. "I didn't really enjoy it. I was tired.
"It's funny how you age so fast in the NBA. If you're 21, it's cool."
Eventually, he decided enough was enough. "I was like, 'Man, I want to go home. The sun's coming up. I had Taco Bell. I'm full,' " he said.
I live about eight blocks from a Taco Bell and eat it more than a 27-year-old person reasonably should, so I feel like I understand Bosh's mindset fairly well here. After a tough day, he needed sustenance in a short amount of time. In those moments, few places do as good a job as Taco Bell. Where else can you buy the entire menu for under $50?
On top of that, Bosh didn't get out of AmericanAirlines Arena until after midnight, which any Taco Bell patron knows as the time for "Fourth Meal." In actuality, Bosh was holding to an ad campaign and going to the best quasi-Mexican restaurant for post-midnight hunger. If anything, we should commend him for his choice.
There is as yet no confirmation of the rumors that Eddy Curry visited the same Taco Bell as part of a quadruple fast-food tour in celebration of the championship. Eyewitnesses have claimed that the Arby's in Coral Gables will never be the same.