C-a-C: 'Paint stairs red? Thousands of stairs painted red'

"That was No. 71. So easy. You want red? BAM! So much friggin' red. And No. 83? 'Owner commitment to blog regularly about all teams — Capitals, Mystics and Wizards'? No problem, Magic. I'm all over it."

"Wait, Ted. Who asked you to blog regularly about all of the teams?"

"Hmm? What's that?"

"I'm asking, who called or wrote or emailed and said, 'You know what would make things better for me? You doing so much blogging.'"


"Oh. OK."

"... No. 35 is, 'Ensure condiment containers are refilled.'"

"That's really great, Ted. Great job."

Best caption wins a Quantum Pixel Generator 5000. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Coach Spoelstra's favorite "Star Wars" character is Hando Calrissian.

Winner, Robert C: "My nose is going to grow out to here after I get done telling the media everything is fine and there is nothing to worry about."

Runner-up, Master Seuss: Eric Spoelstra has a really hard time doing the Mutombo finger wag.

Second runner-up, MikeE: "No, I'm serious! In the movie Nicolas Cage took Travolta's entire face off and put it on his own! HE TOOK HIS FACE-OFF!"

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