C-a-C: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was not impressed with that timpani roll

Ball Don't Lie

"We've got a lot of work to do if we're going to perform 'Symphony No. 103' at this year's Christmas concert," the six-time NBA Most Valuable Player said to nobody in particular before he was gently but firmly escorted off the court at Madison Square Garden. Despite the 19-time NBA All-Star's apparent descent into delusions of conductorial grandeur, many in attendance deemed his presence at this year's 2K Sports Classic to be "most satisfactory."

Best caption wins a conducting masterclass presided over by Bernard Haitink, which is exactly what you expected when you decided to visit a sports blog today. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Avery Johnson's "Basketball Never Stops" commercial is going to be super adorable.


Winner, - (which I believe is short for -iell): Avery Johnson: "Now, do everything I say, exactly as I say it. Or I'll ruin your NBA career ... twice. Just ask Devin Harris."

Runner-up, Mac: Johnson: "Listen kids, if you want to be successful in the NBA, two of the most important things you should know are how to get in position and how to box out properly. I'm sure you know about a certain 7-foot German who made a name for himself while playing for the Dallas Mavericks."

Tall Kid: "You can say his name, Coach. You're not exactly an owner, so you don't get penalized for saying his name. And yeah, Dirk's pretty awesome."

Johnson: "I was actually talking about Shawn Bradley, but you get the point."

Second runner-up, Calaway: Johnson: "Oh, man, I feel like the Admiral with all you little guys here! I'mma go with the hook shot! I never done one of these in a game!"

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