C-a-C: The Hawks can't stand the Heat, yet stay in the kitchen

I shudder to think what Gordon Ramsay would say to Zaza Pachulia(notes), Joe Johnson(notes), Marvin Williams(notes) and Josh Smith(notes) if they were contestants on "Hell's Kitchen" or "Master Chef" or if Second Round Café, the Atlanta Hawks-only restaurant they (don't really) own and operate, appeared on "Kitchen Nightmares."

He'd probably tell them their food was "rubbish," then slap the back of one hand into the palm of his other hand, then tell Zaza to "pee off," then say the fish "isn't bloody cooked," then tell Smoove to "eff off." It'd be a scintillating episode, no doubt. And you should seriously see how hard I am shuddering right now. I've got a 'Toine-level shake going. (For real: Big ups to the Hawks for serving early Thanksgiving dinners to more than 200 residents of Atlanta nonprofit City of Refuge's Eden Village on Wednesday.)

Best caption wins the recipe for love. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Amar'e Stoudemire hears America singing, the varied carols he hears.

Winner, Lance: Nene looks on in amazement as Amar'e pulls out the quarter from behind his ear.

Runner-up, chaoz_golem: Stoudemire's new brand of defense is just to distract Nene with his non-defense.

Second runner-up, king_shdc: "Is that you CP3? No? Or did I hear my good buddy Steve Nash(notes)? Oh. It was just Raymond Felton(notes)."

Honorable mention, "Big Dog" Division, thelegendarygregostertag: Amar'e Stoudemire(notes) responds to the news that Antoine Carr wants his look back.

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