C-a-C: In case of emergency/Shawn Marion wanting to freestyle, do not break glass

Ball Don't Lie

Man, did you just goof, guy.

Shawn Marion's favorite rappers of all time are Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks, and yet you let him get his hands on a microphone because he said he'd let you try on his post-game-worn Dallas Mavericks 2010-11 NBA Champions hat if you let him spit a few bars? That's not going to happen, by the way; he doesn't even have it with him. And good luck getting those sunglasses off his forehead. That's some exclusive-ass, Cubes-funded spirit gum keepin' those up there.

Listen, I'm not going to kill you for this, dude. Confusing a blonde-Mohawked Shawn Marion for "Meteor Man"-era Big Daddy Kane is a mistake that anyone who doesn't know what people look like can make. But you need to know that this is going to end badly, for all of us.

Oh, no, he's trying to do the Buff Love heavy-breathing beatbox. Oh, man.

Best caption wins quiet contemplation of the Pandora's box this dude just opened. Thanks a heap, man. Jeez. Good luck. (To us all.)

In our last adventure: I came Back Like Cooked Snacks (the greatest Juelz Santana x Jerome James collabo never recorded), and Detroit Pistons head coach Lawrence Frank proved that the NBA Cares. (Maybe a little too much.)


Winner, Eric G.: Lawrence Frank: "Five wins next year, okay? I'm willing to guarantee five."

Little Girl on Right: "Not if you're still starting Charlie V."

LF: "I guarantee five."

LGoR: "You're probably only gonna play 50."

LF: "You know what? I'm gonna go up to seven, hater. Okay, no. I guarantee five."

Runner-up, Jones6: "And then a magic accounting hand appeared and made it look like our team lost money."

Second runner-up, IndeedProceed: "[BLEEP!], Lucy! How many times am I going to have to explain this?! He would not eat them in a boat, and he would not eat them on a [BLEEP!] train! [BLEEP!]! I had an easier time explaining how to defend the pick and roll to Glen Davis! GLEN [BLEEP!] DAVIS!!"

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