Britain's tiny places: 15 little gems you wouldn't spot if you weren't looking
Author Dixe Wills introduces some of his favourite parts of small Britain in this celebration of the UK's most delightful and diminutive places to visit.
Tiny island
Teän, Isles of Scilly
One of the islands at the northern end of the Isles of Scilly is called Teän, a place-name that claims the rare distinction in Britain of possessing a diaeresis. Wedged between the islands of St Helen’s on one side and the larger St Martin’s on the other, this roughly 40-acre piece of land has just enough room for two small hills, both granite tors.
The larger one is significant enough to have been given a name (the rather uninspired “Great Hill”). Together they lord it over a mostly low-lying isle awash with gravel and erratics left over from glacial action that took place many eons ago.
The Great Hill may only rise just over 100ft out of the water but those who climb to the top are afforded one of the classic views of the Isles of Scilly. Brave souls occasionally attempted to make Teän their home during the 19th century and livestock was still being taken over to Teän to graze as the Second World War was coming to a close, but the island has been unoccupied for over a hundred years now.
Hedges (the Scilly name for walls) and the ruins of houses can still be made out. There are no scheduled boat services that land at Teän, which makes it more of a challenge to get to than a lot of islands in Scilly but it does have the advantage of assuring its tranquillity. It is possible to charter a motorboat to drop you off and pick you up later.
However, there is a much more pleasing way of making it to Teän. Simply hire a kayak, rowing boat, sailing boat or paddleboard from one of the major islands (St Martin’s is barely a couple of paddle strokes away) and arrive under your own steam (or the steam of the wind, if you will). It can make for an extremely satisfying day out, though do be sure to check weather forecasts and tide timetables first – you really don’t want to risk becoming a 21st century castaway.
Tiny castle
Nunney, Somerset
In the case of the vast majority of moated castles, the moat is merely a water-filled ditch circling the walls. But Nunney, just to the east of the Mendip Hills in Somerset, looks more like a castle that has squeezed itself on to a tiny island in the middle of a large pond. The domestic appearance of the little lake turns out to be misleading – it is deep and steeply shelved.
As it happened, on the occasion when the castle was attacked, the moat proved to be of little use, though that owes more to advances in the technology of ballistics than to any failings it may have had as a defensive barrier. (Nowadays it can be crossed via a simple wooden footbridge.)
The moat surrounds walls that, with one notable exception, are reasonably high. The structure as a whole though leaves one with the impression that it has been shrunk in the wash. It has a round tower at each of its four corners but at both ends the towers are built so close to each other that they’re almost in danger of overlapping. Even the walls on the longer sides of the castle are of no great span.
An earlier manor was fortified by Sir John de la Mare in 1373, and the edifice was spruced up in the 16th century by a man named Prater. In 1645 during the English Civil War, the castle was besieged, captured and partially demolished by Parliamentarian forces. The ruin eventually passed into the care of English Heritage, who still look after the little castle.
Nunney, Somerset, BA11 4LW. Open any reasonable time during daylight hours; english-heritage.org.uk
Tiny theatre
Margate, Kent
The Tom Thumb, Britain’s smallest Victorian theatre – or theatre in a Victorian building – is one of a kind. Sitting in a glorious location a little back from the sea on the town’s esplanade, it is eclectic and glamorous, though it was not really meant to be a theatre at all. It was built in 1896 as a coach house. Then carriages gave way to cars in the years following the building’s erection and, inevitably, the coach house became a large garage. By the Eighties, however, it had become very dilapidated and could have been lost to the nation.
Thankfully, mother and daughter Lesley and Sarah Parr-Byrne saw the construction’s possibilities. They bought it in 1984, completely restored it and converted it for use as a theatre. This is a red-hued slice of 19th century Britain: from the flocked wallpaper and the stage curtain hanging in luxurious folds to the 51 velvet seats in seven neat rows. When the stage curtains are drawn aside they reveal a strikingly compact space beyond.
At just 10ft by 7ft it’s apparently the smallest stage in a British theatre. So you are unlikely to see Les Misérables here, but there is a surprising variety in the acts that do tread these rather minimal boards, including experimental drama, live bands and burlesque – while every year the Tom Thumb’s pantomime is a sell-out.
Margate, Kent, CT9 2LB; tomthumbtheatre.co.uk; 01843 221791
Tiny palace
Kew, Richmond
Britain’s smallest palace had comparatively humble beginnings. It was built by a tradesman, Samuel Fortrey, who had made such a vast fortune in silk by 1631 that he was able to have a fine mansion constructed on the Thames. The following century it caught the eye of King George II and his wife Queen Caroline and the “Dutch House” (which is named after Fortrey’s supposed Dutch ancestry) started its journey towards promotion to a royal palace.
Caroline felt it would make a perfect residence for their three eldest daughters – Anne, Amelia and Caroline – and took a lease on it in 1728. Go to Kew Gardens today and the Dutch House is so unassuming that you could easily miss it. Almost hidden by trees on both sides, the four-storey residence has the look of a doll’s house with its wide front aspect painted entirely in red and perfectly symmetrical set of white-framed windows. Inside, the staff all come dressed in period costume to get you into a Georgian frame of mind.
The poshest chamber is the Queen’s Drawing Room, where a double marriage took place on July 11, 1818. Here, two of George III and Charlotte’s sons, Princes William and Edward, married two German princesses, Adelaide of Saxe-Meiningen and Victoria of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld respectively. The wedding took place at Kew because Charlotte was too ill to leave the palace. She died four months later. The future Queen Victoria was born to Edward and Victoria nine months after they married.
Richmond, Surrey, TW9 3AE. Entry via ticket to Kew Gardens; hrp.org.uk/kew-palace
Tiny square
Pickering Place, London
Pickering Place is not only the smallest square in London but one of the smallest in the land to boot. It takes a bit of finding. Tucked away in exclusive St James’s, where the bygone era of gentlemen’s clubs lives on, there’s a narrow covered alleyway that runs beside a venerable wine merchants called Berry Bros. & Rudd.
Be sure to look out for a small plaque near the entrance that states: “In this building was the legation for the ministers from the Republic of Texas to the Court of St. James – 1842–1845.” The square is lit by gaslight and was once a popular place in which to fight duels. Former residents include Beau Brummell, the dandy; Lord Palmerston, the former prime minister and Graham Greene, the author.
London, SW1A 1EA; always open
Tiny train
Stourbridge, West Midlands
The Stourbridge Junction to Stourbridge Town railway branch line is the shortest in the whole continent of Europe – but a three-minute trip along its 0.8 miles of track also has the feel of a funfair ride. For a start, there are the trains themselves.
Appropriately enough, the Class 139s that ply the route are the smallest trains on Britain’s rail network and have the appearance of a bus that just happens to run on rails. What’s more, because they careen back and forth along a single track, they have a driving cab at both ends, making them reminiscent of Dr Dolittle’s Push-Me-Pull-You. There are just 21 seats inside with standing room for 39 further passengers, as long as those 39 are happy sacrificing their rights to personal space. Not for nothing is the train sometimes jokily referred to as “The Sardine Express”. The train makes 107 round trips every weekday (fewer at weekends) and carries over half a million passengers per year, with a punctuality record of between 99.5 and 100 per cent.
West Midlands, DY9 0YQ; premetro.co.uk
Tiny museum
Warley, West Yorkshire
Warley Museum, the smallest in Britain, is also one of Britain’s newest. In 2016, under the aegis of British Telecom’s Adopt-a-Kiosk scheme, the Warley Community Association (WCA) decided to transform the rather forlorn and seldom-used telephone box outside the Maypole Inn into a museum about the town (which, to be fair, is the size of a large village).
The museum was curated by Chris and Paul Czainski, artists from nearby Luddenden. Paul, who specialises in trompe l’oeil, etched the panels of glass with depictions of Warley’s history and created an illustrated board for the back of the box that displays brief biographies of the “Notables of Warley Parish”.
Chris Czainski, meanwhile, set to work on a mosaic floor comprising broken pottery and objets trouvés from Warley’s gardens. The museum opened on October 8, 2016, and the first exhibits included antique jewellery, a perfume atomiser, whistles and myriad other domestic items from Warley’s past.
West Yorkshire, HX2 7RZ; warleyca.co.uk
Tiny river
River Bain, North Yorkshire
The shortest river in England that possesses a name, the River Bain, somehow manages to pack all kinds of pleasurable experiences into its two-and-a-half-mile run down a largely overlooked valley in the Yorkshire Dales National Park. Tipping out of Semer Water, Yorkshire’s second largest natural lake, it flows away from the hamlet of Countersett, heading northeast to carve out a valley to the east of Semerdale Hall.
It is flanked for a while by Gilledge Wood before hurtling on to Bainbridge where it serves as a natural barrier between the village and the remains of a Roman fort. Almost immediately afterwards the Bain plunges into Wensleydale and the River Ure. You can walk the greater part of the river on footpaths.
From the northern tip of Semer Water, a path on the north side of the Bain leads to a minor road. Use this to cross the river and a signpost will guide you along the bank before climbing to run parallel with the Bain to the outskirts of Bainbridge. From there you cross the eponymous bridge, and take the first right to continue following the river to a crossing called Yorebridge just to the west of the point where the Bain flows into the Ure.
North Yorkshire, DL8 3EE (Bainbridge)
Tiny cinema
Sol Cinema, South Wales
While its claim to be the ‘smallest cinema in the solar system’ may not be strictly true, the Sol Cinema is certainly the smallest in Britain to be powered entirely by the sun. It’s also one of the more peripatetic cinemas, since its screen, projector, red carpet and plush bench seating for eight are all fitted into a titchy vintage caravan. At just 9ft long and 7ft high, it can be towed almost anywhere.
The interior is a thing of kitsch beauty and the seating is set out in two racked rows, the front benches complete with tassels. A low-energy LED video projector is set high on the back wall and there are surround-sound speakers dotted about. Although based on the Gower peninsula in South Wales, the Sol Cinema, brainchild of documentary-maker Paul O’Connor, travels all over the country and occasionally further afield, often turning up at festivals.
Based in South Wales; thesolcinema.org
Tiny station
Plas Halt, Gwynedd
Buried in a wood on a mountainside in North Wales, with a single short and very low platform and a single short and very basic stone shelter, the primitive minimalism of Plas Halt station is wonderful to behold.
The fact that Plas Halt is served exclusively by trains hauled behind brave little steam locomotives merely adds to the charm. It takes roughly half an hour of huffing and puffing to get passengers on the Ffestiniog Railway from sea level at Porthmadog to Plas Halt, 375ft up into Snowdonia.
The line here was built in 1836 to facilitate the transport of dressed slate from the mines further up at Blaenau Ffestiniog down to the awaiting ships at Porthmadog. Nowadays, passengers who alight at Plas Halt fall into three parties. Some come to attend residential courses at the Snowdonia National Park Authority’s Environmental Studies Centre. Others are heading for that centre’s gardens, with celebrated rhododendron tunnel. The remainder are drawn by the fine walking and the spectacular views down towards the sea or into the Vale of Ffestiniog.
Tiny house
Conwy, Wales
The Tiny House movement is a Thing nowadays. But no matter how novel a new tiny house might be, it’s never going to beat an old one around which you can get a tour from a Welsh woman in traditional Welsh costume – black funnel hat, red cape and all. But that’s exactly what you get at Conwy’s Quay House, better known by its other name ‘The Smallest House in Great Britain’. And there’s no denying that it really is small. The owners like to give the measurements in inches to emphasise just how small it is: 72in wide, 122in high and 120in deep. That works out at 610 cubic feet – the equivalent of six of the classic K2 telephone boxes squidged together.
It was built in the 16th century as an afterthought. There were two properties of normal dimensions with a gap in between them and someone thought to fill it with a house, despite the fact that there was patently not enough space for a proper one. But for hundreds of years it was a bona fide home, the last inhabitant being a fisherman named Robert Jones, who was 6ft 3in tall.
Quay House, Conwy, LL32 8BE thesmallesthouse.co.uk
Tiny street
Wick, Caithness
If you don’t happen to be in Caithness, Wick may feel like quite a long way to go to see a very short street (even if it is recognised not only as the shortest street in Britain but the shortest on the entire planet). However, this is tempered by the fact that not only can you buy a drink there, you can also eat there, dance there and even stay the night there. When one considers that the street in question is just 6ft 9in long – the length of Stephen Fry with a hardback copy of Don Quixote on his head – then that’s far from shabby.
When Alexander Sinclair built a hotel here in 1883 he was obliged by the council to choose a name for the short side of the building that faced on to a busy junction. He chose Ebenezer, most likely after the “stone of help” of that name in the Old Testament. When Guinness World Records went looking for the shortest street in the world, they happened upon Elgin Street in Bacup, Lancashire, which held the title for many years.
That thoroughfare is a hulking great 17ft long and no one wants to walk that far, so it was a relief when Mackays Hotel decided to open up a door to their bistro on the one side of the establishment that lacked an entrance. This was enough for the adjudicators to declare Ebenezer Place a bona fide street because it now contained a building with an address: No. 1 Bistro, Ebenezer Place. And so in 2006 the record passed north of the border.
Ebenezer Place, Caithness, KW1 5ED; mackayshotel.co.uk
Tiny pub
Claygate, Esher
Britain’s smallest pub operates out of a shed-sized station-side building whose interior dimensions are truly minuscule. It measures 9ft by 8ft and has just about enough space for three customers standing at the bar if they all agree to keep their elbows to themselves.
The little brick-and-tile structure – designed to look like a model house – has been positively Whovian in its ability to regenerate. It began life as a coal-ordering office, and has been a minicab office, a second-hand bookshop, an estate agent and an interior design shop.
In August 2012, husband and wife proprietors Alex and Sue bought up a micro-brewery and produced their first firkin the following year. Such was the success of the venture that they took over the bijou edifice next to Claygate station, transformed it into a pub, and opened in June 2015.
Two or three of their beers (and a guest) are on tap at any time.
Platform 3, Claygate Station, Esher, KT10 0PD. Open Thurs-Sun from 4pm; brightbrew.co.uk
Tiny church
St Ives, Cambridgeshire
Spanning the River Great Ouse at St Ives is a quite magnificent 15th century stone bridge, and halfway across the bridge is a curious box-like structure that appears to be dangling off a parapet. The box is a chapel. Or was once a chapel, because in its long life it has been many things and the last time it was actually a chapel was back in the 16th century.
A bridge may sound like a curious place to put a chapel but there was a period in English history – from the late medieval era up to the Reformation – when it was all the rage. The idea behind them was that travellers could receive a blessing from a monk there and perhaps some spiritual encouragement.
The monks of Ramsey Abbey threw the first bridge across the Great Ouse at St Ives in 1107. It was made of wood but lasted three centuries until replaced in 1425 by the current stone structure. The chapel was added one year later on top of a pier widened for the purpose. It was dedicated to St Leger, a Burgundian bishop. However the rolling tide of the Reformation engulfed the chapel in 1539. Initially, it was converted into a residence for the local prior. In later years it saw service as a doctor’s surgery, a toll-keeper’s house and, most inappropriately of all, a pub called Little Hell. Nowadays the chapel is a scheduled ancient monument.
The chapel is usually open at weekends in summer, but you can check and book at norrismuseum.org.uk; 01480 497314
St Ives Bridge Chapel, Cambridgeshire, PE27 5BX
Tiny harbour
Seacliff, East Lothian
It really is a remarkable thing to behold. Britain’s smallest harbour is not some makeshift haven rudely gouged out of the sandstone but a meticulously crafted affair whose walls have more in common with the dressed stone of a cathedral than the haphazard rock formations of the East Lothian coast.
It is not a harbour for those who have any doubt about their boathandling skills though, as the entrance is barely 9ft across. A winch, once used to open and close the harbour gate, stands rusted and obsolete above. There is no gate now, though the grooves in the rock where it used to sit are still clearly visible. Four small lobster boats could just about cram themselves into the tiny dock if they went bow to aft and gunwale to gunwale, though you’ll be lucky if you see even one moored here today.
Seacliff harbour was the work of Andrew Laidlay, who lost his life here in a house fire nearby in 1907. In 1890 he had the innovative idea of setting up a steam engine on the rocks and using compressed air to cut down into them, which explains how the sandstone walls were carved so neatly. Back in the day there would have been plenty of fishing-boat action down in the tiny harbour. Somehow, however, the calm that has descended on Seacliff harbour rather suits the place – the lapping of the water against its walls as the tides rise and fall makes a fitting soundtrack for this secret little haven among the rocks.
Tiny Britain, by Dixe Wills (AA Publishing, £16.99), is available from books.telegraph.co.uk
