If you had a ballpark to yourself, what would you do?
OK, so the person in this situation wasn’t exactly given the keys to the park for a free-for-all day. Keyon A. Lambert was charged by prosecutors with a felony count of criminal damage to property and misdemeanor disorderly conduct for breaking into Miller Park and damaging the field in June.
Lambert, 40, reportedly took a joyride on a tractor and told police he was “going to try to write his name in cursive with the tractor tires, but it moved too slow,” per TV station WISN in Milwaukee.
Thanks to the station filing an open records request for surveillance video, footage of the attempt at the Milwaukee Brewers’ park is now available for viewing.
It didn’t go as planned.
Man drives tractor over Miller Park infield
Lambert told police when he was arrested that he tested the doors to the ballpark and surprisingly they were open. He took it as a sign, per WISN, and entered at around 7 a.m. on June 2.
Footage of the incident shows him trying to knock out the camera at the door’s entrance. It then cuts to video of the field, where the man brings a tractor out and chips up the outfield while learning how to use the bucket.
WISN filed an open records request for surveillance video from the Miller Park vandalism incident in June.
Keyon A. Lambert is accused of causing $40,000 in damage, digging holes in the grass and dirt with a tractor. He finished by running the bases before walking out. pic.twitter.com/cOBCF5OXdD
— Stephen Watson (@WISN_Watson) September 24, 2020
In standard gameday fashion, he runs the bases — backwards? — before heading on his way back out of the ballpark.
An estimated $40,000 in damage was done to the field, per the police report. Lambert was released on a signature bond and ordered by a judge not to have contact with Miller Park, per WISN. He’s pleaded not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect and is scheduled to return to court on Oct. 12.
What would you do in an open ballpark?
Tearing up your hometown team’s field, even if by accident, seems like a poor way to spend the morning. There are better activities to do while spending a solo day in the ballpark. (That’s assuming a “Home Alone” scenario where you’re left in the ballpark on accident. Don’t break into ballparks.)
The first thing is to soak it all in from the field itself. If you’re going to run the bases, do it the correct direction. Maybe slide into second, pretend you’re stealing third, or jaunt on home imagining it’s the bottom of the ninth and the stands are full.
Since it’s Milwaukee we’re talking about, better find those racing sausages. Test them out for speed and see if the chorizo one really is the “worst in general.”
And obviously you should try and get into the food and drink areas. Have to survive, right?
Really, the last thing you should do is attempt to write your name in cursive using a tractor. Use bats and print instead. You can actually read it and you won’t damage the field.
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