Roger Federer has taken $1,100 in towels from Australian Open

Roger Federer is a thief.

He was caught red-handed by Jim Courier, who interviews players on court for Australian television. His bag overflowing with the official men's towel of the 2011 Australian Open, Federer was forced to admit the extent of his wide-ranging crime spree. Courier asked how many total towels Federer had absconded with during the tournament.

"Can you do the math?" he responded. Four per match was his claim.

Oh, we can do the math. Four towels per match x five matches = 20 towels. At $55 each that comes to $1,100. For making the semifinals, Federer earned $420,000. (He can win $2.2 million by taking the title.)

What does Federer do with the towels? "Give them away," he said, "because my friends all want them. I might take one, if that."

Sure, Roger. If by "give them away" you mean "sell them on the thriving tennis souvenir towel black market." You think that second home in Lucerne* paid for itself? Check his bag, Rafa. Maybe Roger's the one who took your watch.

* I don't actually know that Federer has a second home in Lucerne. It just seems like he would.

You know who else is guilty of stealing? Whoever decided to charge $55 for a towel. For $55, the towel better have two twenties stitched in the back. What sap buys a towel for that much when they give them away at the Marriott for free? (Federer nods.)

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