The summer transfer market strategies of every Premier League club

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle
(Photo by Srdjan Stevanovic/Getty Images)


(Photo by Srdjan Stevanovic/Getty Images)

With a month to go in the summer transfer window, the strategies being employed by Premier League clubs are becoming clear. Of course, business conducted at this level can be very complicated, so we've boiled each club's strategy down its essence.

Arsenal: Sign whoever Arsene Wenger happened to notice in between beach volleyball matches in Brazil. Take a player or two from Southampton. Put Nicklas Bendtner on a rocket and blast him into space.

Aston Villa: Sign Philippe Senderos to serve as a human shield when new assistant manager Roy Keane gets angry and sell whoever Roy Keane wants to murder the most.

Burnley: Get rid of David Edgar after finally realizing that he isn't Edgar Davids. Sign as many guys whose first names begin with the letter "M" (Michael Kightley, Matt Gilks, Marvin Sordell, Matt Taylor) as possible.

Chelsea: Sign anyone who either played for Atletico Madrid last season, would annoy Arsene Wenger or is named Didier Drogba.

Crystal Palace: "Doesn't matter, we have an eagle."

Everton: Continue to make David Moyes look like he had the transfer market savvy of a terrier that runs into the glass door every time the doorbell rings.

Hull City: "Somehow convince Tom Ince to choose us over Inter and everything else is gravy."

Leicester City: "Aside from record signing Leonardo Ulloa, our price range is somewhere between free and free."

Liverpool: Crush Southampton's will to live under a pile of cash and round that out by signing players with names that sound like they might be stars of a foreign edition of the TV show Gladiators.

Man City: Take more players from Arsenal and finally remember to get rid of Joleon Lescott and Gareth Barry.

Man United: Sign a few more sponsors and hope that solves everything.

Newcastle: Sign intriguing players, wait for Mike Ashley to mess it all up.

QPR: Sign defenders from London. Preferably ones who think their shirt numbers are a fashion statement.


Stoke City: Finally realize the dream of bringing Steve Sidwell and Bojan into the same team.

Sunderland: Get rid of everyone Paolo Di Canio brought in last summer.

Swansea City: Sign quality, reasonably priced players. And Lukasz Fabianski.

Tottenham: Join Liverpool in treating Southampton like an overpriced Costco.

West Brom: "You can't see this in text, but we're just kind of shrugging a bit."

West Ham: Sign anyone who can stomach watching Big Sam chew with his mouth open.


- - - - - - -

Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

What to Read Next