The most important stats for the first leg of the Real Madrid-Bayern Munich Champions League semifinal

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle
Real's Cristiano Ronaldo reacts after failing to score during a Champions League semifinal first leg soccer match between Real Madrid and Bayern Munich at the Santiago Bernabeu stadium in Madrid, Spain, Wednesday, April 23, 2014. (AP Photo/Paul White)

Real Madrid beat Bayern Munich 1-0 in the first leg of their Champions League semifinal at the Bernabeu, prompting yet another discussion as to just how important Pep Guardiola's emphasis on possession and quantity of passes really is. Bayern had 64 percent of possession and completed 701 passes to Real Madrid's 270, but the Copa del Rey winners' excellent defending and lightning fast counter attack gave them the edge going into the second leg.

Though having a clear advantage in these specific areas of the game obviously did not translate to success for Bayern, they still have their place in telling the story of the match. And to tell the rest of it, here are several other important stats.

-Gareth Bale was unable to start because he hit 88 mph while making his run in the Copa del Rey final, causing him to time travel to the ice age and back, which resulted in him catching the flu. He did meet a woolly mammoth, though. So it wasn't all bad.

-Carlo Ancelotti rated his pre-match hug with Guardiola a 9.5 out of 10 on the coziness scale.

-Karim Benzema scored one goal just to make everyone shut up about Ronaldo and Bale for five seconds.

-Franck Ribery thought of 17 new pranks he can play on his teammates instead of doing anything useful.

-Arjen Robben's brain told him to cut inside to the left 6,421 times during the match, which means he thought about that more than the average man thinks about sex in the same period of time.

-Ronaldo missed one golden chance right in front of goal because he was wearing two golden boots and that math just doesn't work.

-Pepe fell down frequently and eventually left the match with an injury in the 73rd minute because the pain he inflicts upon others actually hurts him three times more than it does them. This is his burden.

-Mario Mandzukic was so frustrated that he cursed Robert Lewandowski's name 312 different ways

-Sergio Ramos only tried to ride one opposing player like a tauntaun — a new personal best for demonstrating restraint.

-David Moyes cried 16,987 tears while watching Toni Kroos and dreaming about what could have been.

-Philipp Lahm played 23 different positions, including a new one he calls "midOktoberfest."

-Bayern Munich scored zero goals — the worst number of goals a team can have.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!