With Thanksgiving upon us, each Yahoo Sports blog is taking stock of what they're thankful for while also providing menu suggestions and a sport-specific viewing guide for when you hit your couch. Share what you're thankful for on Twitter with the #YSBThanks hashtag or in the comments below. Have a safe and happy holiday!
It's Thanksgiving in the USA so we here at Dirty Tackle were asked to share what we're thankful for this year. That list of course begins with you, the readers and participants who share our love for the frothy blend of football and nonsense. But there are other things we're thankful for.
DT contributor Ryan Bailey starts us off with a special poem....
As an Englishman I know I must not scoff,
At the reason America takes the last Thursday in November off.
Because it’s a brilliant holiday in which we get to give thanks,
And I’ve grown to love Turkey Day like Franck Ribery loves pranks.
So here I am to show my appreciation,
Of the things in the beautiful game that bring us elation.
Firstly, I give credit to a powerful Swede,
Who loves scoring goals and making teammates bleed.
He loves martial arts and slandering a man named Pep,
His Xbox generosity is good for his rep.
But the thing Zlatan Ibrahimovic loves most is plain to see:
It’s the man who wears number 10 at PSG.
Yes, it’s true, Ibra couldn’t love himself any more,
But if he’s so great then where is his Ballon d’Or?
Let’s move from a man whose narcissism astounds,
To one of world football’s biggest clowns.
He’s sexist, racist and full of incompetent chatter,
Of course I’m talking about FIFA president Sepp Blatter.
It’s hard to be thankful for most of his views,
Years of alleged corruption will hardly get you enthused.
But as a world soccer blogger his flaws carry clout,
Without him we’d have much less to write about.
My next source of thanks might seem a little weird
But the world is a better place because of Andrea Pirlo’s beard.
It’s blacker than coal and thicker than tar,
It the only thing giving the Old Lady the power to win Serie A.
Howard, Lalas and Mellberg might have follicle flair
But their cheeks look smooth compared to Pirlo’s facial hair.
His free kicks find the net like they’re guided by a laser,
So let’s hope he goes another year avoiding the razor.
My outpouring of thanks is nearly complete,
So I must give a mention to my favorite sporting feat.
It’s not Ronaldo’s stepovers or Roy Keane’s terrifying scowls,
It’s when right-thinking players commit mortifying fouls.
Punches, groin kicks and fights that get a bit shirty,
I’m thankful for all the tackles that are dirty.
They’re not much fun when you’re on the receiving end,
But for our little ol’ Yahoo blog they’re a godsend.
So before you tuck into turkey and enjoy every Thanksgiving cliche,
Be sure to check out our latest Dirty Tackle of the Day.
And I'm thankful for this:
A large, artery clogging part of this holiday is food. So here are a few secret recipes for traditional Thanksgiving fare from DT's footballer pals...
The Berba's erotic turkey
1. Procure a large, juicy turkey by flirting with Berba-babe at the shop until they give it to you free of charge just so you leave the premises and promise to never come back (you can promise this, but you don't have to adhere to it ha-HA!).
2. Give the turkey a sensual hot oil massage while smooth jazz plays in the background. Mix in a few compliments for the turkey, like how it's not like the other turkeys and that you're sure it had beautiful eyes when it still had eyes.
3. Turn out the lights.
4. Several hours later, join the turkey in a very hot jacuzzi until the sun comes up.
5. Invite the aforementioned Berba-babe from the shop to feast on the turkey with you. If she says no and laughs at you for dressing a boiled turkey in a silk robe, then that's just more turkey for you. Ha-HA!
Artur Boruc's mashed potatoes
1. SCREAM AT THE EARTH UNTIL IT PRODUCES POTATOES!!!!
2. MAKE SURE THEY ARE IN FACT POTATOES AND NOT CORN ATTEMPTING A RUSE!!!!!!
3. HEADBUTT POTATOES UNTIL THEY ARE MASHED AND WARM OR UNTIL YOU BLACK OUT!!!!!! WHICHEVER COMES FIRST!!!!!
4. SERVE TO YOUR UNAPPRECIATIVE LOVED ONES AND THEIR GOOBER KIDS!!!! GOD BLESS!!!!
Steven Gerrard's sweet potato pie
1. I have no idea how to make that.
Thanksgiving Day is usually associated with a different kind of football, but if there's one thing better than the NFL, it's the Europa League. Maybe. Here are several Europa League matches worth checking out:
-Swansea City v Valencia
-Legia Warsaw v Lazio
-Tromso v Spurs
There's also the second leg of the Copa Sudamericana semifinal between Lanus and Libertad. So enjoy the games and the delicious recipes above. And even if you're not celebrating the holiday, take a moment to be thankful for the maddening joy that football brings us all.
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