Yaya Toure has decided to remain with Manchester City despite claims from him and his agent shortly after winning the Premier League title last season that the club didn't properly honor his birthday.
“I want to stay. I will always honor my contract. I don’t think about all this speculation," Toure said, even though his agent started all of the speculation that he might leave the club this summer.
His discontent wasn't just about birthdays and baked goods, though. There were many, many disgusting shows of disrespect that he has now graciously forgiven. The following is only a partial list of what he has had to endure in the name of honor and unwavering loyalty.
-During several matches last season, it rained. This was a direct attack on Toure's right to dryness perpetrated by the club.
-Exactly no one has addressed him as "Yaya the Magnificent" even though he never asked them to. Club chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak has called him "Yaya the Great" several times, but that just isn't the same.
-The receptionist at Etihad Stadium often says "good afternoon" to Yaya. As if his afternoons aren't normally good. This assumption of Yaya having bad afternoons is both cruel and demeaning.
-Yaya's half birthday has never been mentioned, let alone celebrated. And when he's brought up his quarter birthday, everyone just laughs. So rude.
-Yaya was given a complimentary package of pretzels on a team flight. He appreciated this gesture until he realized that Samir Nasri's package included one and a half more pretzels than his. Yaya then took this for what it was: a subtle, but insulting message that he is worth fewer pretzels than Samir Nasri.
-Yaya is consistently given large shirts by the club's kitman, which is the size he asked for, but still leaves him feeling like he's being called fat.
-The version of him in FIFA 14 was not able to fly or carry a katana sword like he asked. When he addressed this issue with an EA Sports representative, he was asked who he talked to about it and Yaya said, "Ted Fingerwhip." The EA rep claimed to have no knowledge of anyone named Ted Fingerwhip at the company. Yaya then said that he never implied that Mr. Fingerwhip worked for EA. The EA rep then pretended to have an appointment he needed to get to and excused himself.
-And finally, James Milner's continued existence has been the most upsetting affront to Yaya's sensibilities to date.