Bayern Munich have announced they will not accredit The Mirror or The Sun for the second leg of their Champions League quarterfinal against Manchester United after both used headlines that shortened Bastian Schweinsteiger's last name to the German word for "pig." Bayern feel this was "disrespectful, discriminatory, and personally insulting" (this also describes 98 percent of what's written on the internet). But why not ban a few more things as well?
Here's a list of ideas...
The referee — The papers probably wouldn't have targeted Schweinsteiger with their headlines if the referee didn't send him off in the first place, so it's ultimately his fault. The keyboard dust is on his hands.
Jurgen Klopp — This is what he did in Madrid...
Clearly the man has lost his mind.
Socks with sandals — More offensive than a unoriginal puns in a newspaper headlines. Maybe.
iPads — You don't know true suffering until you've paid good money to sit behind someone holding up an iPad and using it as a camera longer than humanly possible.
Phil Jones — Similar reasoning to Klopp. His facial expressions terrify children. And adults. And house plants.
Danny Welbeck — He caused problems for Bayern in the first leg, which is a clear sign of disrespect. That can't be tolerated.
Judgmental glances — It's just rude.
Non-judgmental glances — You're not fooling anyone.
Spoilers — If you can see the future and you know how the match will end, just keep it to yourself. ESPECIALLY if you're an octopus. (RIP Paul.)
The color teal — It's not a real color.
Wordplay — Not allowed. And when it comes after Bayern's inability to beat an inferior Man United team? Double banned. Deal with it.
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