Hull City owner Assem Allam (not pictured above) has announced his decision to change the newly promoted Premier League club's name after 109 years in existence. He says he will incorporate the club's longtime nickname and market them as "Hull City Tigers" locally and just "Hull Tigers" both nationally and internationally because he feels the club's old name is too common and too long and irrelevant.
From the Telegraph:
“Hull City is irrelevant,” he told the Hull Daily Mail. “My dislike for the word ‘City’ is because it is common. City is also associated with Leicester, Bristol, Manchester and many other clubs.
“I don’t like being like everyone else. I want the club to be special. It is about identity. City is a lousy identity. Hull City Association Football Club is so long.” [...]
“I have always used short names in business. It gives you power in the science in marketing. The shorter, the more powerful the message. In Tigers, we have a really strong brand.”
But of all the animal names to choose from, Tigers is easily one of the most commonly used by sports teams. There's the Detroit Tigers in professional baseball, Tiger Woods the golfer, even the Bayside Tigers from Saved By The Bell. If you want something special, something you can build an identity around without wasting 109 years developing tradition and deep-rooted associations, you have to go with something truly unique.
So, as someone with a degree in marketing, I've put together a list of far better options that Allam can peruse. I will even let him use the one that he likes most absolutely free of charge. Because, well, that's just the kind of guy I am. Here they are...
-Hull Sharknados: Powerful, topical, to the point.
-Hull Mosquitos: Yes, they're small, but they kill far more people than Tigers.
-Hull Humans: (See above). Also, you can target every single person on the planet as a potential fan this way.
-Hull Sex: The one undeniable fact of marketing is that sex sells. So why not take this statement as literally as possible and name the club "Sex"? That's right, not one good reason not to.
-Huuuuuu: You want a short name? How about a one-syllable guttural moan? Crosses language barriers and the drunks and food poisoned will always be talking about you.
-Hull Fridays: Sheffield Wednesday had a good idea in nailing down a day of the week, but it was ultimately a missed opportunity. Everyone loves Fridays. And if you really want to go nuts? Hull Saturdays.
-Manchester United: It's no secret that Manchester United are one of the most marketable brands in the Premier League. Steal their name.
-Hull Spider-Mans: Comic book characters are the biggest things in movies and it's time football clubs started capitalizing on this.
-Hull Boobs: A more subtle play on the "sex sells" angle.
-Hull Bulges: (See above).
-Hull City Association Football Club: People are always talking about "football hipsters" so that must mean they're an important, growing market. And there's nothing hipsters love more than irony. Change the name back to Hull City AFC, but in a kind of sarcastic way so everyone knows that you're giving the club a common, retro name as sort of a joke, but also not. When people get what you're doing, they'll feel really good about themselves and lord it over others, who will then adopt it themselves in the hope of getting in on that action.
Again, all of these options are better than Hull Tigers. If Napoleon Dynamite was still cool, I'd say that even Hull Ligers is better, but it's not, so I won't.