In this social media age, things happen and there's no time to check facts or do research. So assumptions are made and we all just run with them. So when referee Yuichi Nishimura awarded a very soft penalty for Brazil striker Fred's sudden need to feel the grass on his body in Thursday's World Cup opener against Croatia to gift the home side with a go-ahead goal, information about the Japanese official was quick to emerge. Here's what we learned about him...
He is the devil.
This was revealed by one drunk Croatia fan and confirmed by no less than 37 even drunker Croatia fans. They all seemed very certain of this information.
He is blind.
Given this, we should probably celebrate his bravery in undertaking such a sight-oriented endeavor as well as his astonishing ability to not make more mistakes than he did. If anything, he is an inspiration to the world.
He had reason to fear for his life.
With all of the unrest in Brazil, anything less than a win for the home side in their first match probably would have caused such massive riots that the tournament would not have been able to continue. So in that regard, he is truly the hero of the World Cup and people who want to pretend to be sick so they can avoid work for a month and watch all of the matches. In other words, not just a hero, but the greatest of heroes.
He was bribed.
As everyone knows, if someone gets something wrong, the only possible reason behind it is that they did it on purpose for large amounts of money. Granted, with FIFA this is usually true.
He is The Problem with Football.
Because he awarded this penalty, players now know that diving in a World Cup gets results. This will inevitably lead to all 22 players on the pitch immediately falling down at kick off and pretending that the writhing of each others' fake injuries have fake injured them as well. Civilization as we know it will crumble due to the plague of injury faking that will sweep the earth. The next Garfield movie will never be made.
He refused to speak English just to irritate the Croatian players even more.
All World Cup referees are required to speak English (as Nishimura demonstrates here), but when the Croatia players questioned Nishimura about his decision, "He was speaking something in Japanese but no one could understand him," according to Vedran Corluka. Obviously he was doing this to make them so angry that they could no longer argue.
He plays for Brazil's national team.
Think about it — if he didn't play for Brazil, how else could this exist?
Thank you, Nishimura. pic.twitter.com/hHgBhlNFU3
— Guilherme Cruz (@guicruzzz) June 13, 2014
— Sigrid Knopp (@Sigridknopp) June 12, 2014
Or why would England legend and owner of a verified Twitter account Gary Lineker say this?
It's a tight call for Brazil's man of the match between Neymar and the Referee.
— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) June 12, 2014
I stopped to listen before I published this and I couldn't hear you offer any alternative explanation, so obviously it's true.
He is the worst referee since every other referee.
Referees just keep making mistakes and getting things wrong sometimes. It's like they're trying to be imperfect on purpose. One day — maybe 200 years from now — an advanced people will realize this and start to expect those mistakes. And when that happens, referees will probably start to be perfect all of the sudden just to annoy them.
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